SubSpace

When a person goes into a submissive place mentally, they are going to a submissive headspace. They have given over to you control of their body and their pleasure. They trust you completely. Some people refer to this submission as “subspace”. There are different types of subspace, with some of them lasting hours while others can last days. I know from my experience, if we are on a vacation with just us it can last days.

As with every part of your sex life, this will require deep, trusting communication. I link to that post about communication on every subsequent post because it’s the most important part of sex. Trust and communication are absolutely tantamount to a successful dom/sub (D/s) relationship. The submissive is placing her trust in you to please her. She’s trusting you with her body, mind and her pleasure. It takes a huge amount of faith and trust that you aren’t going to abuse that trust, and that mental “place” is her subspace.

This is where foreplay comes in. Having your partner be comfortable, but submissive, is a good place to be. You can read this post about tying your woman to the bed about foreplay and it’s importance physically. Mentally, this time will be for your sub to get into her subspace. Subspace will put her into an almost trance-like state. She will literally be there for your use, you can fuck her how you want (within the communicated limits). I know in my case, the limits are different when she’s in subspace. She communicates this to me using small verbal and physical clues that you will have to work out with your sub, or just be attentive.

Scene

A “scene” is what a BDSM session is referred to in the community. It is not the act itself, but the whole session where she’s submitting to you. It will include foreplay, discipline (if you are in to that), one or several sex acts, then aftercare. While in subspace, your sub will probably react differently to things that are happening to her. She will react differently to pain and pleasure when she’s in this subspace. In my experience, pain tolerance goes up and pleasure is amplified. This is because she’s not thinking about anything but the sex act and expecting pleasure, she’s in subspace.

Once the scene is done, and you’ve both had your orgasms or the goals of the scene have been accomplished, it’s time for aftercare. When coming out of subspace, you will need to care for your submissive. Hold her, kiss her, let her know and feel that you are there for her. She’s very literally coming down from a high. Tell her she did a good job, praise her performance. Hold her tight and kiss her gently. Cover her body with a blanket. Get her water. Take off the restraints. All these things will help her come back out of subspace. Some couples will use this time to give the submissive an orgasm. We do not separate her orgasm from the BDSM session in my experience.

Avoiding Sub-Drop

All the things above will help pull her back to reality and re-ground her. Not making sure your sub is OK with aftercare can cause a sub-drop or “The Mondays”. It’s from the adrenaline and endorphin crashes that are normal after a scene. Aftercare is an effort to buoy those feelings and fight the tendency for the sub to feel depressed. Sometimes, a sub drop happens despite your best efforts. Try mild exercise or chocolate, as they both release endorphins. Sunshine will also help, increasing vitamin D.

I’ve tried to have great advice for aftercare for your submissive partner. As always, if you have questions, check out our Contact Page and shoot us a message. We’d love to hear from you!

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