Social Expectations of sex as you age

Some of the myths that surround sex in your middle age are that you can’t perform, you aren’t attractive, sex is boring, and that it’s undignified. We will look at each of these. But, let’s talk about one of the over-riding themes of this website. Communication. Communication is the most important part of a relationship, including your sex life. There are a lot of posts about communication on the website. If you haven’t read them, I would start here and read about it, then come back to this post.

You Can’t Perform Due to Age

People are healthier now into the later stages of their life than any other time in history. Sex is fun, it feels good, and age does not stop any of this from changing. There are some performance issues that can arise as you get older. Should this be the case and you have a problem with ED, talk to your doctor. Read more about that on this post. As men we need to know and hear that we are more than our penis. Even while you are getting help with your issue, you can still please your partner. Women also have issues as they age, but help is available for your partner’s as well.

Having these problems does have a silver lining. It will force you to communicate about your issues, and work through them together. Remember, if your partner has issues to treat them as relationship issues, not just things for her to fix. It’s how you want your problems to be treated as well.

You are not attractive as you age

Well, we all know this one isn’t true. We all know the saying “Love is Blind”. That is true to some extent, but people are attractive. Your partner is attracted to you, or should be, just as you should be to them. There is a huge list of timeless things that make people attractive. From that sparkle in her eyes to that little giggle that she makes, those things are timeless. There are always things that age will not take the luster off of. Your partner sees in you all those things, your smile, your wit, the way you look at her. All those things are for both of you. Things that you will never lose.

Some people would argue that as you age, your body does change. But that doesn’t mean you are less attractive. There’s plusses to aging, like being softer you make a better pillow. Or that you have years of experience pleasing your partner.

Sex is boring as you age

We should all know this is not true. Sex is what you make it, and if you are reading this site it’s a good sign that you want the best sex ever. At this point in your life, you should have experiences that make you nothing but better in bed. If not, that’s OK, you can still learn! Communication with your partner is where this becomes paramount. We should all realize by now that the best sex is the best sex we can have with our partners. Sex is only boring if you make it boring. And, what others call boring might not be for you. I know that most my friends are not nearly as adventurous as my SO and I.

Sex is undignified

No one should be made feel bad about their sexuality. People thinking that sex is undignified are just being silly. Yea, it’s messy, it’s fun! But there’s nothing undignified about having good sex with your partner. Hell, it’s undignified to not at least try to have good sex! I know when older people talk about being sexual, the typical reaction is to think “ew”. But, that’s not the right reaction. We should, as a society, be HAPPY for anyone that’s got a healthy sex life. It’s normal and a good thing for people to have sex. Sex has a myriad of health benefits for people of every age. Both mental and physical benefits.

Sex is awesome at every age

Sex shouldn’t be something that carries a stigma at any age. In your 40s, 50s and beyond, sex should be something fun. If you’d like to discuss this or any other post on the site, hit us up on the contact us page, or comment below!

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• Oral only quickies are a good alternative depending on time
• Skirts are made for quickie sex
• Shower sex
• Don’t get undressed, only expose what you need to expose
• Beds, counters and tables tend to be “fuck height” so use them

As with all my posts, I’m going to first talk about communication. It’s important to communicate with your woman about sex and needs and wants, as the linked blog post says. But, the discussion should also talk about frequency and timing as well. I read something a long time ago that stuck with me, it said “Sex is like money and air. When you have enough, it’s no big deal, but when you don’t, it’s a BIG DEAL”. So, let’s talk about quickie opportunities and how to take advantage of them, and how to turn your lady on so she’s ready to be taken.

It should all start with the way you normally communicate. If it’s texting than sext her. If it’s both of you in the same house, casually tell her what you are going to do. In my blog posts about sex, like the bondage post, there is a lot of focus on never taking your fingers off of her body. With a quickie, there’s no time for that much setup. So you have to turn her on and get her running other ways. Communicate to her that you want her. Be specific, and have a plan. If there are kids in the house, plan for them to watch a movie at XX time. Then start a few hours before by touching your lady as she walks by. Stop her in her tracks and tell her you need to be inside her.

As the time approaches, start sharing little pieces of the plan with her. Tell her about an hour before that at XX time, she needs to be ready to get fucked. Send her a message that is suggestive or a short description of what you are going to do to her. Something like “I’m going to bend you over the bed and have my way with you”. It doesn’t have to be super descriptive. Just show her repeatedly that you are thinking of little else. You need her. You desire her. She’ll be turned on. She’ll be wet and ready by the time the movie starts.

The kids are busy. The movie is playing. But you know you don’t have very long, so lets get to it. Depending on how you played your cards, she should be very ready for you to fuck her by this point. usually, I talk about how foreplay is very important, and it is. But sometimes you just need to fuck. Now is that time. My advice is to unleash your inner beast. Stand behind her, pull her pants and underwear down as you grab her boobs from behind with your other hand. Then push her down onto the bed and rub your hard cock on her wet pussy. Now that you know she’s hot and ready, push yourself into her.

You should know your partner well enough by now to know what turns her on. Knowing what she needs to get going is very important, you want her to be as satisfied as you are.

Quickies can be fun and spontaneous too. Buildup is important. But it’s always best to have a little sexual tension. If you are like me with a high libido, then you are almost always telling your woman how hot she is and how much you need her anyway. So communicating that isn’t something I have to do often. My SO has a high libido as well. It’s a great thing when we only have a few minutes we can literally pound one out. We’ve done it with a house full of people, slipped away and both had a quick orgasm. For us, it’s foreplay for the next time we can have a longer session.

I don’t want anyone to think that sex can’t be spontaneous and fun for everyone involved. There’s no reason to think that you can’t grab a quickie anytime you think there’s time. Rooms have doors for a reason, set boundaries with the kids, and have some fun. Just remember, now (or anytime) is a great time for a quickie!

For further research, here is a good article from Men’s Journal about quickies. As always, if you have questions, check out our Contact Page and shoot us a message. We’d love to hear from you!

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If you haven’t yet read the post on the clitoris or the post about female external anatomy, you probably should. I will be referring back to those as I explain what you are doing and most importantly WHY you are doing it. As with every sex act and partner, communication is key to happiness. We need to communicate with our ladies, and encourage them to communicate with us as well! This is only more so when we talk about eating her pussy. If you’d like to watch an instructional video about it, Nina Hartley has a good one you can google.

Getting Started

Assuming you’ve read the posts that I will be referring back to, and that you’ve communicated to your woman what you want to and intend to do, let’s get started! Always start by understanding that her entire body is a sex organ. So, touch, kiss, caress everywhere. I try to never take my hand/fingers off of her body no matter what I’m doing. Kissing her, building up tension and need is the goal. If you have a toy (we have a Hitachi and a speed controller, it’s awesome) then place it on her clit and leave it set to low.

Start at her face. Kiss her like you mean it. Let your fingers and hands wander all over her body as you kiss her. Play with her breasts, move your kissing down to her neck. Make your way down her body to her pussy. Once you are there, move the toy (assuming you have one there) and start gently kissing her outer labia. Her clitoral hood should be kissed as well. Gently insert your tongue in between her inner labia and tease her a little, but never stop kissing and licking.

Going Downtown

Start gently. Eating her pussy is not a speed sport. The best orgasms come from a slow build. When you really start to focus on the clit, you need to have your hands in a place where you can gauge her reactions to what you are doing. If you hold her hands, she’ll squeeze them when she’s feeling a lot of something (sometimes good, sometimes bad). There will be a time when she’s really pushing and lifting her pussy off the bed as you eat away. When she’s moving, she might be moving to refocus your tongue on a more pleasurable part of her clit. Some prefer to focus on the top, on the button itself, or just below, let her direct you.

Try different things to her and let her guide you as to what works and what doesn’t. Draw the alphabet on her clit with your tongue and pay attention to which letters she reacts to. Suck gently then more firmly depending on her reaction to your efforts. Lick and stimulate inside her pussy, fucking her with your tongue and see how she reacts. Like her taint and her ass if you are feeling up for it (there will be an analingus post coming sometime…). Just try things, see what feels best for her.

When her orgasm starts to build, you have a decision to make. Do you want her to cum yet? It’s yours to control. Do you want to enjoy the view, the taste, the experience some more. If so, slow down, change focus, lick inside her pussy for a few seconds. You want her to cool down a little, to back away from the precipice. The goal here is to make the orgasm as big as you can, and this type of building will be a good way to do that. Eating her pussy to orgasm is spiritual for me. I love doing it, and it shows.

The Big Finish

When you want her to cum and you know she’s getting close, she might say things to you like “I’m close” or “Just like that”. With statements like that, the instinct you are going to have fight is to speed up or press harder. Don’t change anything. If you are using your tongue on her clit with suction, keep doing exactly that. If you have a finger in her pussy as you rhythmically lick her clit, don’t speed up, don’t slow down, don’t change ANYTHING. Let her have her orgasm, and don’t stop until she’s done. I’ve found that internal stimulation can continue, but usually after the orgasm hits her, the clitoral stimulation has to stop. Just like her sucking your dick, her clit gets very sensitive after an orgasm. I would strongly suggest starting to fuck her immediately after she’s told you “no more” on her clit.

The goal is to leave her a blubbering mess. Unable to move or to speak. Having an orgasm like this will make her putty in your hands. A lot of people say that doesn’t happen or can’t, but with good communication and some practice (darn it!) it can happen.

As always, if you have questions, check out our Contact Page and shoot us a message. We’d love to hear from you!

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Conversations about communication both online and with my friends always confuse me. People often say things like “I want to talk to her about what I like, but I just can’t”. They will then go on to say something about her giving him a blowjob or them going down on her. Men, if she’s had your dick in her mouth, pussy, or ass, she can hear about all the things I’ve mentioned. Tell her what feels good, what you’d like to try, what your kinks are. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has kinks. So talk to her, communicate what with her. There’s even kink tests for couples, like “We Should Try It” to help start the conversation. There’s also “Mojo Upgrade” that you each take privately, and it shows you where you match.

My SO and I prefer to just talk. We haven’t taken any of the tests on those websites, but I can promise we’ve talked about all of the acts on those websites. I know some of you reading might be thinking “How do you even bring that up”. You just start. We usually have these discussions while driving or just after a great fuck. Lying in bed, basking in the afterglow and the great feelings, I’ll ask if there’s anything she particularly liked or didn’t. There’s no hard feelings about it, because as the title says, for truly great sex, communication is key!

For example, my SO has learned that I don’t like my nipples touched, I’m dominant, and she likes her clit licked in a very specific spot. We’ve also discussed adding a third (HELL NO for both of us), public sex, anal, lots of things. Again, communication is key!

This article from The Gottman Institute about communication in a relationship is a vert enlightening read. Their study indicates that only 9% of couples you can’t comfortably about sex say they are satisfied with their sex life. They list four things you can do while communicating about sex that will make the experience a positive one.

• Be kind and positive
• Be patient
• Don’t take it personally
• Be accomodating

Marriage.com has an excellent article about communication. They have 6 guidelines to help open up to your partner. There are two pieces of advice that really said something to me while reading this article. Understand both genders respond and think differently, and that communication is the key to real intimacy. Men, understand that the way she communicates and responds is going to be different than the way we do. Once you get over that barrier to communication between you and your partner, you can start to experience real intimacy.

As always, if you have questions, check out our Contact Page and shoot us a message. We’d love to hear from you!

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You’d be surprised how many people (both women and men, in my experience) believe the myth that there are only two holes. This picture has some of the basic anatomy. As you can see there is anus, the vaginal opening, and the urethra between women’s legs. The clitoris is hiding under it’s clitoral hood above the vaginal and urethral openings. So, we can dispel with that myth easily enough!

Myth #2 – The G-spot Doesn’t Exist

Some people thing the g-spot doesn’t exist. It does. Because different women experience it at different depths and positions, the rumors will persist. There is a consensus as to its approximate location. Assuming your partner is lying on her back, insert a finger into her vagina with your palm up. Feel the top of her vaginal walls, you’ll feel a series of bumps or a rougher patch of skin. For example, to me like a very wet sponge, about 1-1.5 inches in. So, that’s the g-spot (in my experience, it’s the very farthest end of that patch of spongy skin). There will always be people that say it doesn’t exist. It very well might have varying degrees of sensitivity from woman to woman which makes is seem like it’s not a thing, but it absolutely exists.

Myth#3 – A Used Vagina is a Loose Vagina

There are a lot of myths to dispel surrounding the way a vagina looks as well, let’s dispel some of that craziness. Because the biggest myth I find in my “research” (read that as surfing the internet) is that more sex makes women loose. We need to work with our fellow men to understand this is NOT the case. This, to put it gently, is asinine. Vaginas are muscles, and get stronger (which translates to TIGHTER) with use.

Myth #4 – Labia Length Correlates to Vaginal Use

Outer and inner labia length has no correlation to intercourse frequency.  Labia are just the size they are. Sex does not, in any way, permanently change the length or size of labia. Now, there is a small caveat. That is, when women are aroused their vaginal area becomes engorged with blood just like ours do. Also, if you ever shame a woman about the way her most private of privates looks, you never deserve to see them again.

As always, if you have questions, check out our Contact Page and shoot us a message. We’d love to hear from you!

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But seriously, sex is more than just penis-in-vagina. Sex should include intimacy, kissing, touching, etc. So, you can take breaks, you can fuck several times, it’s all up to you!

Expectations

Porn has created an unrealistic expectation that sex needs to be these hours long, marathon sessions. That’s simply not the case. My SO and I have 5 minute quickies, and multi hour sessions. Both are great, they fit our lifestyle, we both have high sex drives. If you and your SO don’t, that’s great! Sex duration isn’t a one size fits all situation, and it never will be.

I’ve learned over the years that sex is best when there’s no timetable or constraint put on it. Sometimes we orgasm quickly, sometimes we don’t at all.

Studies

If you are looking for an answer based on averages and a study, I found a 2005 study here at Healthline that there is a typical duration, desired duration, and what most women termed “too long”. This is for actual penis in vagina sex, desired duration for women was 7 to 13 minutes. Typical duration for a sexual encounter is 3 to 7 minutes. “Too long” was found by the study to be 10 to 30 minutes. Keep in mind that this ONLY applies to the vaginal intercourse part of sex. I still define sex as the entire event or session, not just intercourse (or any kind, oral, anal, vaginal).

In the end, the right duration for a sexual encounter is when both parties are satisfied and satiated. Sex duration is not, and will not ever be a “one size fits all” situation. There’s no answer in minutes, hours, seconds (I really hope it’s not seconds). Duration is up to you and your partner to communicate.

If you’d like to contact us, please use the email listed on the contact us page! We’d love to hear your feedback!

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