We’ve come to this dynamic through communication. I know it seems like I harp on communication a lot, but it literally cannot be overstated. Working on the dominant-submissive dynamic in action requires great communication and trust. My life experiences drive this blog, so I will be writing this as the man is dominant and the woman is submissive to him. For a more clinical look at the dominant-submissive relationship, there is a Wikipedia article about it. This does NOT mean your experience will be the same. There’s no shame in being sexually submissive for a man, enjoy your sex life!

For us, it started with her asking me to just take her. That is a huge hint, men. If she says “just take me” then do that, just take her. This doesn’t mean “abuse me, I like that”. On the contrary, she’s telling you that she trusts you. Now is a GREAT time to discuss safe words and safe actions.

Safe words typically rely on a green/yellow/red system. Green means what you were doing is OK, feels good, keep going. Yellow means slow down or stop that specific thing. Red means everything stops, and the two of you need to discuss what was happening. There also needs to be non-verbal safe actions using the same system. Non-verbal communication is used when the sub cannot use her voice. The non-verbal communication needs to be something deliberate, like 3 hits with her palm on your body. Something that is clearly not an accident.

As a couple you also need to lay some ground rules. There’s some grey area in this. What I mean is that you can’t lay ground rules for absolutes, nor can you make up rules for every scenario. It’s important that you discuss things and know soft limits versus hard limits. “I don’t like being hit” might be a soft limit for your sub. Spanking is hitting, and while I’d never hit my SO, I will spank her ass bright red. So, that is a soft limit for her. I’ve read where anal is a soft limit for some submissives where they don’t want anal sex, but a finger is OK.

Once you have communicated, have some ground rules, and have the safe words and actions in place, it’s time for the fun part. You can tie her to the bed, or just hold her down using your body. There are a lot of non-restraining way to manhandle and dominate your woman. If you want her to do something, just put her in position and do it. Hold her legs how you want. Flip her over and fuck her prone bone when you feel like it. Since you communicated, you should know that this manhandling turns her on.

In contrast, there are a lot of restraining ways to dominate your woman as well. In the post linked above, there are examples of things to buy that aren’t expensive. Keep in mind you don’t have to buy anything. You can hold her wrists together above her head while you fuck her. You can grab her hair in prone bone or while she’s giving you head. Hair pulling is something that I’ve found is a big turn on, but not too hard. Again, communication is key.

I feel like now is an excellent time to discuss choking. Yes, it’s hot, but you need to learn to do it correctly. Just grabbing your woman’s throat is NOT a good idea. Communicating about what feels right to her is important. Talk about it before you do it, and get a feel for leaving her windpipe alone. It’s difficult to put no pressure on the windpipe, but you can minimize the pressure on it by putting your thumb on one side of her neck and your fingers on the other.

Placing your fingers just below the jaw and pressing into the neck will allow your palm to pull back from her windpipe. This also should line up your fingers with her carotid which you then press on. Your goal is to limit blood to her brain. In my experience, it makes the orgasms much stronger for her when the brain is a little starved for blood. I know this sounds dangerous, but this is where the non-verbal safe actions come in. She needs to communicate with you if she’s feeling like she’s going to pass out.

Any sex act can be taken to extremes. This is true for submissive and dominant people as well. Submissive people can like the humiliation aspect of the act, or enjoy and get off on physical pain. Dominant people can enjoy inflicting humiliation and pain on their submissive partners. There are plenty of videos out there should you want to search for that sort of thing. Degradation also plays into the dominant/submissive relationship, although I wouldn’t consider that an extreme.

Being trusted to be a dom is intoxicating. Having her place her trust and her body in your hands is an amazing feeling. I think a lot of people associate the role of dom as something that means you are an abusive person. That is simply not true. Knowing what someone likes or doesn’t in the bedroom has no bearing on their behavior outside the bedroom.

The dominant-submissive dynamic in action is something I think everyone should explore. With proper planning and communication, it’s a really great addition to your sex life.  As always, if you want to correct me, argue about something, or tell me I’m an idiot, use the Contact Us page!

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In my life, I do my best to treat my lady really well. Her love language is acts of service, so I do things for her. I take care of her car by keeping it clean and full of gas every time I can. I help keep the house clean, I cook for the family sometimes, I take care of the kids for her. My post on communication and sex is good start, but good communication is important for a great relationship as well.

We need to pay attention to treat our women well. Listen to what she’s telling you, make sure you are hearing not just the words, but the subtext as well. We have to trust that they are telling us what they mean, and act on that. I strongly suggest you figure out her love language. I would find the best way to do this is to simply take the online tests and see where you both end up. I’m not going to cover the love languages here. But I will say that learning her love language is an easy way to make the little things count.

I have found that little things, truly little things, make a big difference. Open doors for her, hold her hand, push the cart, help her around the house. All these things make a big difference. But it doesn’t all have to be work! When it’s appropriate, give her little butt a smack, glide your hands over her pussy. Again, when it’s appropriate (which you should communicate about boundaries together).

I’ve also found that being protective is a very big part of making your lady feel secure and safe. I know that’s pretty straightforward, but protect her. When you are walking, put yourself between any perceived threat and her. Sometimes it’s subconscious, it is with me. That’s one of the acts of service I do for her.

Do keep in mind that your way of communicating your love doesn’t have to match the way you are shown love. Me doing acts of service for my SO doesn’t mean she does acts of service for me. My love language is touch, and she knows this, so she touches me. And she likes when I touch her because she knows what it means.

I know this blog is about sex, but sex requires a relationship. Being in a relationship is more than sex, I know you all know that, but good advice is good advice. Learning to listen to your SO and respond in ways that make her smile and keep her happy are easy things to do. it just takes a little bit of effort. So, knowing we need to treat our women well outside the bedroom, it’s not hard to see why it’s so important.

As always, if you have questions, check out our Contact Page and shoot us a message. We’d love to hear from you!

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