How Orgasms Feel

You should be able to tell when your partner has an orgasm.  In general, if she doesn’t know or isn’t sure, then it likely didn’t happen.  I realize I might catch shit for saying that, but in my experience, if your partner can’t tell it hasn’t happened.  When your partner has a good orgasm, her pussy with tighten and pulse around your dick.  She might vocalize and shut her eyes.  Some women are squirters as well.

Orgasmic Reactions

Orgasmic reactions can be really strong.  We need to learn how to react to her orgasmic reactions.  Laughing, crying, shaking and shuddering are all things that can happen.  If you aren’t prepared for it, they can be shocking.  It’s always a surprise when everything is euphoric, and suddenly your partner is crying.  Expecting a strong reaction will help you be ready, even if there’s not one.  The orgasmic reactions like laughing can be such a surprise that it might stop your ability to climax.  The Guardian has a story about that exact situation.

Crying during an orgasm has a name, it’s called “crymaxing”.  Knowing WHY your partner is crying should help alleviate any concerns it may cause.  PubMed has a study where all these reactions are called “peri-orgasmic phenomena”.  It’s from the cascade of hormones that the brain produces.  Flooding with dopamine and oxytocin.  There’s a whole reddit thread about some women relaying that it happens to them regularly.

Orgasmic reactions can cause shuddering, stiffening of her entire body, loss of control of her bladder, inability to speak or walk.  It’s fun to learn about these things with your partner if she doesn’t know.

How to React to her Orgasmic Reactions

In the reddit post listed above, you can read about a variety of women having crymax orgasms.  You should read your partner and see what they want you to do.  Aftercare is something we’ve discussed before here.  You should ask your partner what she wants, and hopefully she knows how she’s going to react to her orgasm.  That should help guide you to your reaction to her orgasmic reaction.

If she’s not able to anticipate her reaction to her orgasm, you need to be ready with some ideas.  Lie down next to her and hold her, put a hand on her to remind her you are there, or just lie there and gently touch.  Every woman will have a different need during this time, so you need to pay attention to her reactions to what you are trying.

Conclusion

In the end, it’s all about being there for your partner.  So, anticipate, be prepared, and have fun!  As always, if there’s something that you want to let us know, use the Contact page to get ahold of us!

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Grafenberg Spot Anatomy

The g-spot is typically just inside the vagina, on the inside front wall.  If your partner is lying down on her back, insert a finger inside her with your palm up.  Feel what is the top of the inside of the vagina in this position.  For the first roughly 1-3 inches, there is a spongy texture.  This texture is the g-spot area.  Anatomically, this area is an erectile tissue that surrounds the urethra.  It is close to the erectile tissue in our penises.

As we know from the clitoral discussion linked above, you can see that the clitoris passes over and wraps partially around the urethra and that erectile tissue.  So, rubbing this tissue not only stimulates the nerves in the erectile tissue, it also stimulates the clitoris from the inside.

Visit the porn website of your choice, and search the site for “how to make a woman squirt”.  Once you’ve found a suitable video, notice that in all of them they are stimulating the area we are discussing.  Some technique is different for sure, but the basic anatomy that these women are having stimulated is the same.  They are stimulating the erectile tissue in the spongy area, and the inside of the clitoris.

G-Spot versus Groove Tunnel

There is a new name of the G-spot that is a better description.  The new name is the “groove tunnel”.  The new name makes sense to me as it’s more of a tube or sleeve than a single spot.  This article has a good discussion about this.  Because it’s more of an “area” than a single spot and it’s tunnel shaped, the groove tunnel is an apt name.  Although I’m not sure the name will ever catch on, it’s more descriptive for sure!

Stimulating the Groove Tunnel

As we have discussed in the past, don’t rush into anything.  Foreplay will never not be important.  You need to have properly warmed up your partner, and read the anatomy section above.  Get in between her legs or lie next to her.  Stimulate her whole body.  Touch and caress her breasts, her skin everywhere.   Work your way to her pussy, touching around until you get to her clit.  stimulate that for a little while.  Bring her up and down on her path to an orgasm.  Don’t frustrate her, but work her up then down.

You should know your partner by now, what she likes and doesn’t.  You are going to add something to your session.  Put one finger inside her, palm up.  Gently stimulate her using pressure on the roof of her vagina, maybe a “come here” motion.  As she gets more turned on, use two fingers.  Pay attention to your partner as she gets close to orgasm.  It may feel like she’s going to pee.  You are going to have to tell her to just relax.  Let it happen.  If this is something that you’ve never done with your partner, you need to be prepared for a big orgasm.

The Orgasm

Once her orgasm is close, you can really apply some pressure.  The groove tunnel you are pressing in is very strong.  You’ll be surprised how hard you can stimulate here.  She’s going to have a lot of very strong feelings and her orgasm should make her whole body rock.  When her orgasm is done, you have to stop.  You will know, she will fight you.  We all get too sensitive after an orgasm.  Going from pleasure to pain in a very short time.  Be sure to follow her led here.  She will communicate if she wants you to touch her or not.

Aftercare

Always take care of your partner after an intense session.  Because this was likely very intense for her, get her some water and some baby wipes (because you know to be prepared with your sex kit).  Hold her, let her quietly process the intensity of what she’s just hopefully experienced.

As always, please let us know if there’s anything that you’d like to see on the site, or anything different or wrong, just let us know on the Contact Us page!

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Toys are Not the Enemy

Toys are not the enemy. I can empathize with the way you might feel about this. I had insecurities about sex toys, even with my current SO. They stemmed from other issues from a previous relationship. Her desire for a toy has nothing to do with you being inadequate. It’s simple biology that she cannot orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. Attaching negative emotions to things that provide her with pleasure is a losing game. Even if she says she’s OK without the toys, she’s still not getting what she needs from sex. It’s not fair for you to put your emotional shortcomings on her, taking pleasure away from her.

Knowing her anatomy (both in general, and the anatomy of the clitoris) will help you understand why sometimes orgasms just don’t happen vaginally. The clitoris is much larger than you think and sometimes you just can’t hit it with your dick. That’s OK. That is where toys come in. Toys can build and keep the momentum up for her, which you can read about in the linked article.

The real goal is to make her associate you with the pleasure of fucking. That means that you need to learn to use the toys on her. Not every time in every way. But, knowing your partners specific anatomy and what makes her feel good will allow you to add the toys to your repertoire. It’s important to keep in mind that you don’t want negativity to invade your sex life. That means that attaching positive, orgasmic feelings to the act and to the toys, for both of you.

You are More than your Dick

Toys can never replace you, so stop being intimidated by them. It’s not always easy to let these feelings go, I understand that. But, for a happy and healthy sex life, you need to. You have to remember that toys cannot hug, they cannot kiss, they cannot talk dirty or sweetly. Toys cannot dominate her or learn how she likes that one spot on her neck kissed. My point is that there’s a lot more to you than your penis. You shouldn’t think of your partner as only her vagina, don’t think of your body as only your dick.

Using toys to bring her to orgasm is nothing to be intimidated by. It’s simply another tool you need to know how to use with her to get her there. Use them to build momentum, building to her big finale. Don’t get caught up in the mechanism used to get there, get caught up in the fact that YOU did it. I can promise you she’s not thinking “I love that vibrator”. She’s thinking “I love that man, he just made me cum SO hard”. For her, it’s not about the toy. Essentially, think of it like her giving you a blowjob. You don’t think of her as only her mouth. You think of her as her whole self, she’s pleasing you. Not just her mouth.

It’s important that you communicate with her about how you feel and how you intend to get over them. then act on your plan to get over the negative feelings. It sounds counter intuitive, but using the toys to please her is the best route to take. By using the toys, you are actually going to start associating the positive with the toy. Which also means that she’ll start associating the pleasure with you. It will take a few times, and she will need to communicate what feels good and what doesn’t. But, trust me, there will be a shift in the way you think about the toys.

I have a whole post on toys on the blog. I won’t go into the generalizations I have on that post, but there will be other posts about toys in the future. As always, if you need to communicate for a correction, yell at me for generalizing, or have a suggestion about the blog, use the contact us page!

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Have you ever been receiving a blowjob and had the girl suddenly change what she’s doing? Every man and woman will experience a momentum failure like that. She’s got a great rhythm going, everything is just like you like it. So, you tell her “Just like that”. Then she changes what she’s doing. now, lucky for most men, we reset fairly quickly. I do realize not all men reset quickly, but most of us do. Women, however, do not. If a man drops to 70%, then returns from that, a woman drops to 20% and has to start over from there.

How do we tell and how do we help her not break the momentum? I always pay attention to her non verbal queues first. I know my SO, I know her body and her movements. With this, I know when she’s getting close. Also, listen to what she’s saying to you. For example, when she says “Just like that” then don’t change anything. Don’t speed up, slow down, push harder, change nothing. When she says “just like that”, that is exactly what she means. Just like that.

I know all this seems a little silly to have to say. But with everyone’s goal of an orgasm, you don’t want to be that man that gets yours and she doesn’t’ get hers. The fun really begins when you start using your knowledge of her reactions to build and pull back. Momentum and the female orgasm doesn’t have to be an elusive thing. Kim Anami had a great blog post about building momentum in the relationship. Momentum is more than about sex. Remember that!

Building and pulling back pushes waves of pleasure through her. Once you have learnd her body language, you can use that to push her almost to orgasm, then pull back. You don’t want her to get too close, though. Just make sure she’s feeling good, then slow down, change position, something different. This will keep her orgasm a moving target for her. Then, once you push her through the orgasm, it’s explosive. That’s always a fun one!

If you have any questions about this, or anything you’d like to see me write about, check out our Contact Page and shoot us a message. We’d love to hear from you!

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• Oral only quickies are a good alternative depending on time
• Skirts are made for quickie sex
• Shower sex
• Don’t get undressed, only expose what you need to expose
• Beds, counters and tables tend to be “fuck height” so use them

As with all my posts, I’m going to first talk about communication. It’s important to communicate with your woman about sex and needs and wants, as the linked blog post says. But, the discussion should also talk about frequency and timing as well. I read something a long time ago that stuck with me, it said “Sex is like money and air. When you have enough, it’s no big deal, but when you don’t, it’s a BIG DEAL”. So, let’s talk about quickie opportunities and how to take advantage of them, and how to turn your lady on so she’s ready to be taken.

It should all start with the way you normally communicate. If it’s texting than sext her. If it’s both of you in the same house, casually tell her what you are going to do. In my blog posts about sex, like the bondage post, there is a lot of focus on never taking your fingers off of her body. With a quickie, there’s no time for that much setup. So you have to turn her on and get her running other ways. Communicate to her that you want her. Be specific, and have a plan. If there are kids in the house, plan for them to watch a movie at XX time. Then start a few hours before by touching your lady as she walks by. Stop her in her tracks and tell her you need to be inside her.

As the time approaches, start sharing little pieces of the plan with her. Tell her about an hour before that at XX time, she needs to be ready to get fucked. Send her a message that is suggestive or a short description of what you are going to do to her. Something like “I’m going to bend you over the bed and have my way with you”. It doesn’t have to be super descriptive. Just show her repeatedly that you are thinking of little else. You need her. You desire her. She’ll be turned on. She’ll be wet and ready by the time the movie starts.

The kids are busy. The movie is playing. But you know you don’t have very long, so lets get to it. Depending on how you played your cards, she should be very ready for you to fuck her by this point. usually, I talk about how foreplay is very important, and it is. But sometimes you just need to fuck. Now is that time. My advice is to unleash your inner beast. Stand behind her, pull her pants and underwear down as you grab her boobs from behind with your other hand. Then push her down onto the bed and rub your hard cock on her wet pussy. Now that you know she’s hot and ready, push yourself into her.

You should know your partner well enough by now to know what turns her on. Knowing what she needs to get going is very important, you want her to be as satisfied as you are.

Quickies can be fun and spontaneous too. Buildup is important. But it’s always best to have a little sexual tension. If you are like me with a high libido, then you are almost always telling your woman how hot she is and how much you need her anyway. So communicating that isn’t something I have to do often. My SO has a high libido as well. It’s a great thing when we only have a few minutes we can literally pound one out. We’ve done it with a house full of people, slipped away and both had a quick orgasm. For us, it’s foreplay for the next time we can have a longer session.

I don’t want anyone to think that sex can’t be spontaneous and fun for everyone involved. There’s no reason to think that you can’t grab a quickie anytime you think there’s time. Rooms have doors for a reason, set boundaries with the kids, and have some fun. Just remember, now (or anytime) is a great time for a quickie!

For further research, here is a good article from Men’s Journal about quickies. As always, if you have questions, check out our Contact Page and shoot us a message. We’d love to hear from you!

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If you haven’t yet read the post on the clitoris or the post about female external anatomy, you probably should. I will be referring back to those as I explain what you are doing and most importantly WHY you are doing it. As with every sex act and partner, communication is key to happiness. We need to communicate with our ladies, and encourage them to communicate with us as well! This is only more so when we talk about eating her pussy. If you’d like to watch an instructional video about it, Nina Hartley has a good one you can google.

Getting Started

Assuming you’ve read the posts that I will be referring back to, and that you’ve communicated to your woman what you want to and intend to do, let’s get started! Always start by understanding that her entire body is a sex organ. So, touch, kiss, caress everywhere. I try to never take my hand/fingers off of her body no matter what I’m doing. Kissing her, building up tension and need is the goal. If you have a toy (we have a Hitachi and a speed controller, it’s awesome) then place it on her clit and leave it set to low.

Start at her face. Kiss her like you mean it. Let your fingers and hands wander all over her body as you kiss her. Play with her breasts, move your kissing down to her neck. Make your way down her body to her pussy. Once you are there, move the toy (assuming you have one there) and start gently kissing her outer labia. Her clitoral hood should be kissed as well. Gently insert your tongue in between her inner labia and tease her a little, but never stop kissing and licking.

Going Downtown

Start gently. Eating her pussy is not a speed sport. The best orgasms come from a slow build. When you really start to focus on the clit, you need to have your hands in a place where you can gauge her reactions to what you are doing. If you hold her hands, she’ll squeeze them when she’s feeling a lot of something (sometimes good, sometimes bad). There will be a time when she’s really pushing and lifting her pussy off the bed as you eat away. When she’s moving, she might be moving to refocus your tongue on a more pleasurable part of her clit. Some prefer to focus on the top, on the button itself, or just below, let her direct you.

Try different things to her and let her guide you as to what works and what doesn’t. Draw the alphabet on her clit with your tongue and pay attention to which letters she reacts to. Suck gently then more firmly depending on her reaction to your efforts. Lick and stimulate inside her pussy, fucking her with your tongue and see how she reacts. Like her taint and her ass if you are feeling up for it (there will be an analingus post coming sometime…). Just try things, see what feels best for her.

When her orgasm starts to build, you have a decision to make. Do you want her to cum yet? It’s yours to control. Do you want to enjoy the view, the taste, the experience some more. If so, slow down, change focus, lick inside her pussy for a few seconds. You want her to cool down a little, to back away from the precipice. The goal here is to make the orgasm as big as you can, and this type of building will be a good way to do that. Eating her pussy to orgasm is spiritual for me. I love doing it, and it shows.

The Big Finish

When you want her to cum and you know she’s getting close, she might say things to you like “I’m close” or “Just like that”. With statements like that, the instinct you are going to have fight is to speed up or press harder. Don’t change anything. If you are using your tongue on her clit with suction, keep doing exactly that. If you have a finger in her pussy as you rhythmically lick her clit, don’t speed up, don’t slow down, don’t change ANYTHING. Let her have her orgasm, and don’t stop until she’s done. I’ve found that internal stimulation can continue, but usually after the orgasm hits her, the clitoral stimulation has to stop. Just like her sucking your dick, her clit gets very sensitive after an orgasm. I would strongly suggest starting to fuck her immediately after she’s told you “no more” on her clit.

The goal is to leave her a blubbering mess. Unable to move or to speak. Having an orgasm like this will make her putty in your hands. A lot of people say that doesn’t happen or can’t, but with good communication and some practice (darn it!) it can happen.

As always, if you have questions, check out our Contact Page and shoot us a message. We’d love to hear from you!

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As we talk bondage, it doesn’t have to be expensive or complicated. You can get an inexpensive under bed set that allows you to tie your SO to the bed for under $40. Most of these sets come with cuffs that detach, allowing you to cuff the hands together as well. Bondage sex doesn’t have to be anything rough, but it is submissive on the part of the one being tied down. She has to trust you completely, and you have to earn that trust.

Sensual Bondage

So again, let’s talk bondage, tie those ladies to the bed. Getting her tied down doesn’t have to be a clinical event. Place the bondage cuffs around her, kissing and touching every exposed part as you do. She should be naked before you tie her down so you don’t have to undo anything to strip her. As you cuff her and connect the cuffs to the restraints, gently rub and kiss each part as you go. Touch her as you move. Talk to her about what you are doing and where you are going. Tell her she’s a good girl (or whatever your dynamic allows). Enjoy every inch of her skin. Show her through touch what she makes you feel inside when you see her.

Don’t make it too tight, you want her to move some, and you want her legs to be able to come up so you can fuck her. But keep touching her, staying close enough that she can almost touch you, or only touch your dick. Play with her pussy some. So if you have a vibrator, turn it on and lay it on her clit. Play with and kiss her breasts and nipples. Her body is yours, place your hand on her neck and watch her head lift in response to expose her neck.

Stimulate Her Bound Body

There’s all sorts of things you can do now. She should be begging for stimulation. Touch her everywhere, never take your fingers off her when moving around your prey. Wet and dry things, kiss her randomly. Feed her your dick (if you are kneeling by her head). It’s important that you don’t stop touching or stimulating her. Your goal is to make her beg for your dick.

There should be a point where you can’t take it any more and neither can she. She will beg to be fucked. So, please her, maybe after teasing for a second. Slide your cock along her wet pussy. Then push it into her. It’s important that you enjoy the teasing too. This is for BOTH of you to find pleasure. Relish in her reactions to your touch, to your dick. Fill that pussy up with your cock until she’s pulling against the restraints. She’s going to want to touch you and feel you cumming in her, don’t disappoint.

There’s lots of ways you can tie her to the bed depending on the setup you buy. Use your imaginations and see what feels good and is fun for you both! Don’t limit yourself to the examples, have fun. So, look up other ways you both might be interested in trying things.

As always, if you have questions, check out our Contact Page and shoot us a message. We’d love to hear from you!

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