Making Love

In my experience, this is where most sex sessions start.  Starting with intimate kissing, eye contact and touching.  Then moving to some oral sex with continued eye contact.  Finally, penetrative sex.  During the sex session, a lot of attention if paid to your partner’s pleasure.  Making love focuses your attention on the intimacy of the act.  Making love is the physical manifestation of the love you feel for your partner.

When you make love, you are putting your feelings into your actions.  You are savoring the moment, really feeling the intimacy of the event.  I like the definition the Tribeca Therapy website has.  Intimacy is “being close to someone in a manner that isn’t about what they bring [to the relationship] or what they do”.  It should be noted that sex is not all about intimacy.  Sex and intimacy are different things, and many people confuse and tie the two together.  When making love, the end goal is not always an orgasm but intimacy through a physical expression.

Fucking

When discussing making love and fucking, fucking is about a purely physical release.  In a healthy relationship, bot exist in conjunction.  As I stated earlier, both can happen in the same sex session.  Fucking is a physical act.  Freinds with Benefits is fucking.  Sex with a prostitute is fucking.  Fucking with your partner is pulling off clothes, eyes full of need.  It’s immediate penetration with a goal of release for one or both.

Fucking is animalistic.  With heavy breathing, very little speaking, and a lot of physicality, fucking is relatively easy to spot.  Fucking isn’t about intimacy at all, it’s about releasing your pent up sexual energy into your partner.  It is carnal.

Fucking and Making Love

Fucking and making love can happen in the same session.  At some point, making love devolves into a good fucking.  A gentle start with a big finish, it should be stated.  Sometimes it might tsart rough and carnal and turn into something gentle and loving.

Just know, there’s no wrong way to express your needs.  Both physical needs like fucking, and intimate expressions like making love.  Making love are both parts of a healthy relationship.

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There have been studies done about missionary sex. They state that the missionary position (they refer to is at VVCP) triggers oxytocin production. Also, it maximizes skin to skin and nipple stimulation.

Far From Boring

Missionary is not boring. Missionary allows you to view and enjoy her whole body. Some people refer to it as boring, but it is not. This position allows for many options. For example, kneeling and holding her legs up. Or, you can lie down on top of her. It also allows you to hold her hands above her head and kiss her while you fuck her. There are always options when you are having sex. Missionary affords many “sub” positions.

Kneeling at her hips, you can be between her legs. This will give you control of her legs. You can lift them up, or you can lie on top of her. Personally, lying on top is the most intimate. Being able to kiss and feel her whole body under me. But, her being able to grab at you, that’s the best. Lifting her legs up gives you different angles for both your pleasure. With her legs up, you can put them together and give her knees and hips a break.

Intimacy

Intimacy is a big part of missionary position. Being able to look in her eyes and connect with you feels amazing. Intimacy is something that is underrated. Most people talk about the physical part of sex, but the emotional is just as important. Being able to emotionally connect with your partner is very important. While there is an emotional connection at some level in most sex, I would argue that missionary is the strongest. Facing each other, and being able to kiss and feel not just the sex but kissing and holding her.

Control

Missionary position offers you a lot of control. As with all posts on this blog, this is assuming you and your partner have communicated. You can pin her arms down while you are on top of her. You can control her body with yours. There is a lot of nonverbal communication that happens when you are having sex. Because you are face to face, a lot of nonverbal communication can happen. For me, controlling my partner is half the fun. I know it’s not for everyone, but it’s something we enjoy.

Anal

Missionary position allows for anal sex. You partner can pull her legs up and expose her ass to you. Being prepared for anal is never a bad idea. Having anal sex this way allows you to still have the intimacy of missionary with the pleasure of anal sex. Anal might not be for everyone, and that’s OK. But this is a very intimate way to experience anal.

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Conversations about communication both online and with my friends always confuse me. People often say things like “I want to talk to her about what I like, but I just can’t”. They will then go on to say something about her giving him a blowjob or them going down on her. Men, if she’s had your dick in her mouth, pussy, or ass, she can hear about all the things I’ve mentioned. Tell her what feels good, what you’d like to try, what your kinks are. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has kinks. So talk to her, communicate what with her. There’s even kink tests for couples, like “We Should Try It” to help start the conversation. There’s also “Mojo Upgrade” that you each take privately, and it shows you where you match.

My SO and I prefer to just talk. We haven’t taken any of the tests on those websites, but I can promise we’ve talked about all of the acts on those websites. I know some of you reading might be thinking “How do you even bring that up”. You just start. We usually have these discussions while driving or just after a great fuck. Lying in bed, basking in the afterglow and the great feelings, I’ll ask if there’s anything she particularly liked or didn’t. There’s no hard feelings about it, because as the title says, for truly great sex, communication is key!

For example, my SO has learned that I don’t like my nipples touched, I’m dominant, and she likes her clit licked in a very specific spot. We’ve also discussed adding a third (HELL NO for both of us), public sex, anal, lots of things. Again, communication is key!

This article from The Gottman Institute about communication in a relationship is a vert enlightening read. Their study indicates that only 9% of couples you can’t comfortably about sex say they are satisfied with their sex life. They list four things you can do while communicating about sex that will make the experience a positive one.

• Be kind and positive
• Be patient
• Don’t take it personally
• Be accomodating

Marriage.com has an excellent article about communication. They have 6 guidelines to help open up to your partner. There are two pieces of advice that really said something to me while reading this article. Understand both genders respond and think differently, and that communication is the key to real intimacy. Men, understand that the way she communicates and responds is going to be different than the way we do. Once you get over that barrier to communication between you and your partner, you can start to experience real intimacy.

As always, if you have questions, check out our Contact Page and shoot us a message. We’d love to hear from you!

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