Communication

Communication is a running theme through this blog. The intention is to inform and guide men through some of the questions they may have. This post is about the dom/sub relationship, so make sure your limits and her limits are clearly expressed. Also, make sure she is giving you informed consent, not just consent. Communicating clearly means being specific. If you are comfortable turning her over and fucking her ass, communicate that to her. Communicate that you want to tie her to the bed and use her until she uses the stop word or action. As your relationship and the dom/sub dynamic becomes more common for you, you will both learn each others limits without having to speak.

To dominate your submissive, the talk about her limits and your limits needs to be specific. You need to know if she will allow things that you like. For example, ass to mouth isn’t for everyone even in a dom/sub relationship. Another good example is physical degradation. Spitting, hitting, or spanking without clearly communicating that to her before is really not OK, it’s abusive. Verbally degrading might be OK, and it might not. Communicating about her limits on what you can do to her sexually is important. Does she like anal or getting her mouth fucked? Can you restrain her and make her do those things?

Soft and hard limits are important too. A soft limit may be something like not liking physical abuse, but spanking is OK. Or, she may not like getting her throat fucked, but her mouth is OK. Again, just communicate about it, and listen and watch her reactions during the scene.

Prepare the bed

Preparing the bed means getting the bed comfortable, with pillows and blankets. Making sure that you have the temperature setup the way she likes it. If you have a “sex music” or something similar, make sure that you have that going. Preparing for the scene makes a huge difference in how your submissive handles the scene. Earning and keeping her trust is what you want, and it all comes from these little things. The little things make the big things. When you dominate your submissive, you want her to be comfortable.

Gather the supplies

Gathering the supplies for the scene will help you be prepared for whatever may happen. I would suggest getting a waterproof blanket. Liberator.com has blankets for sex that are waterproof, but we use some of these from Amazon. They are SUPER soft and comfortable. This will protect the bed, and having multiple of them will allow you to keep the bed clean for round 2, or have multiple sessions without having to stop for laundry. If you have underbed restraints, then you should put them on the bed within easy reach now.

Gather some towels for the bed. I would suggest laying out a towel for the toys, laying out a pair of small hand towels for wiping off your hands and sweat. Also, setup some wet wipes for post sex cleanup. I’ve said this before, but never wipe her back to front, always front to back. Doing this will help prevent her getting a UTI. On the towel, place the toys and supplies so that you can reach them easily during the session. Double check to make sure the toys are clean from the last time you used them.

During the session

To dominate your submissive is knowing what you want from her, and being confident about it. You should know what you want to do with her before the session starts. Even if you don’t do all the things you have planned, or change mid stream, that’s OK. It’s nice to have a mental list within both of your limits to so through as the session builds. We’ve learned in this post about momentum and how it works for our partners.

It’s important for your submissive that they feel used within your limits. At least, that’s my experience. Sometimes it’s difficult for us to get in the mindset that we are to take our pleasure from our partner. But, that’s what it takes to dominate your submissive. They are wanting that and taking it is pleasurable for them. So, within your limits, do as you please. Sometimes, verbally instructing her to do things. Other times, just moving her body where and how you want it. It’s important that you watch her body language for any signs of discomfort or reluctance. But, with no verbal or physical stop signal, continue the session.

Aftercare and cleanup

Aftercare starts immediately after her orgasm. Do as she’s directing you or has directed you in the past. Hold her, be with her until she starts to come out of her bliss. With a submissive, she’s been in “subspace” and needs you to help anchor her back into reality. Read this post about aftercare for more detail. Once that’s done, cover her with something soft and expose on what you need to clean her up. Now would be a good time to swap out the blanket with a dry/clean one as well. You can rinse and repeat this whole process as much as you’d like until the session is over.

Now that you are both done, clean up. It’s pretty straightforward. Just make sure you clean up the toys that you used thoroughly. There’s no need to leave any residue on anything. I’d suggest using a toy cleaner, you can pick them up at any adult store or on Amazon. It’s important that whatever you use, it’s safe for toys and safe for internal human contact.

Summary

We’ve built a session from scratch, and talk about all the effort that needs to do into being a good dom. I’m sure I’ve missed some things, but it’s important to pat attention and communicate about everything that’s part of the session with your partner. The most important aspects of this dynamic are communication and aftercare. As discussed in the post mentioned above, no one wants a sub-drop. Planning and preparation are simple things to do that can make the experience a lot more fun.

As always, if you find mistakes, or want to yell at me about something just drop us a line using the contact information on the contact us page.

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