Conversations about communication both online and with my friends always confuse me. People often say things like “I want to talk to her about what I like, but I just can’t”. They will then go on to say something about her giving him a blowjob or them going down on her. Men, if she’s had your dick in her mouth, pussy, or ass, she can hear about all the things I’ve mentioned. Tell her what feels good, what you’d like to try, what your kinks are. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has kinks. So talk to her, communicate what with her. There’s even kink tests for couples, like “We Should Try It” to help start the conversation. There’s also “Mojo Upgrade” that you each take privately, and it shows you where you match.

My SO and I prefer to just talk. We haven’t taken any of the tests on those websites, but I can promise we’ve talked about all of the acts on those websites. I know some of you reading might be thinking “How do you even bring that up”. You just start. We usually have these discussions while driving or just after a great fuck. Lying in bed, basking in the afterglow and the great feelings, I’ll ask if there’s anything she particularly liked or didn’t. There’s no hard feelings about it, because as the title says, for truly great sex, communication is key!

For example, my SO has learned that I don’t like my nipples touched, I’m dominant, and she likes her clit licked in a very specific spot. We’ve also discussed adding a third (HELL NO for both of us), public sex, anal, lots of things. Again, communication is key!

This article from The Gottman Institute about communication in a relationship is a vert enlightening read. Their study indicates that only 9% of couples you can’t comfortably about sex say they are satisfied with their sex life. They list four things you can do while communicating about sex that will make the experience a positive one.

• Be kind and positive
• Be patient
• Don’t take it personally
• Be accomodating

Marriage.com has an excellent article about communication. They have 6 guidelines to help open up to your partner. There are two pieces of advice that really said something to me while reading this article. Understand both genders respond and think differently, and that communication is the key to real intimacy. Men, understand that the way she communicates and responds is going to be different than the way we do. Once you get over that barrier to communication between you and your partner, you can start to experience real intimacy.

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