We’ve posted about communication before.  You can see all of our posts about communication here.  Communication needs to be open and honest.  Also, it should probably not happen in the heat of the moment.  Talking about sex shouldn’t be limited to the bedroom.  Talk about it when you are at dinner, or driving around.  It’s really good to discuss your needs and wants.  Sex is a very important part of a relationship.  It’s OK to talk about it and discuss it with your partner!

Limits to her submissiveness

Every submissive will have limits to their submission.  So, discuss this with your partner.  She may not want to be verbally degraded.  Or, there may be words that are triggers for her.  Everyone is going to have limits.  As you discuss things with her, you need to make notes as to what she does and does not want to submit to.  Some women will fully submit, some will not.  People tend to think of the submissive partner as giving control over to the dom.  However, this is not the case.  In practice, the submissive partner is giving over control within their limits.

Remember, limits set by your partner are not exclusive to sex acts.  For example, she may want the lights on or off.  Everyone has different limits, and it’s important not to make her feel bad for having them.

Discussing Boundaries

Discuss boundaries with your submissive.  You need to know what her boundaries are even if she’s not a submitting to you.  But, with a submissive partner it’s even more important.  So, you’ll need to find out what her boundaries are for what sex acts she might enjoy.  Obviously not an exhaustive list, but a partner submitting to you might want to be tied to the bed, or anal.  Maybe, she wants come consensual non-consent (which really requires a LOT of communication).  This is why it’s so important to communicate.

Having all these discussions about her boundaries is really all about consent.  The submissive is actually the person that has the most control in the dom/sub dynamic.  Yes, she’s giving you control for the acts, but only within the boundaries and limits she has set.

Green/Yellow/Red Lights

The light system between you and your submissive is so important, there’s a whole post about it.  Your submissive needs to communicate to you what her go, caution, and stop words or actions are.  Typically, the go words are just simply to communicate “don’t stop”.  With the yellow light, there needs to be communication as to what that means to you as a couple.  The “yellow light” word should be something that makes you both slow down and think about what’s being said and done.  There are a myriad of reasons either of you may need to slow down during sex.  As they say, shit happens.

The red light, in my opinion is the most important light to know.  The “stop” word needs a non-verbal communication as well as verbal.  She needs to be able to communicate to you to stop no matter what is going on.  The last thing you want is a situation where your partner cannot verbally communicate to you to stop.  So, having verbal and nonverbal cues is extremely important.

When Will She be Submissive?

Discussing when the submissive will be submitting to you is important as well.  There are some dom/sub relationships that are 24/7 where the submissive is literally submitting all day.  There’s a “free use” submission where one or both parters are available for any sexual contact at any time.  Then there’s the most common dom/sub relationship, where the submissive is submitting only during a sex scene or session.  Deciding when she’ll be submitting to you is just as important as the limits and boundaries set by both of you.

More about a dom/sub relationship can be found in this article on healthline.com.  They do list some rules and have great suggestions, but the message stays the same.  Communicate with your partner about your wants, needs, limits and boundaries.

If you have anything to add to this, please don’t hesitate to let us know.  Use the “Contact Page” link at the top of the page.

The post How to Start a Dom/Sub Relationship by Communicating appeared first on Men's Sex Advice.

Have you ever been receiving a blowjob and had the girl suddenly change what she’s doing? Every man and woman will experience a momentum failure like that. She’s got a great rhythm going, everything is just like you like it. So, you tell her “Just like that”. Then she changes what she’s doing. now, lucky for most men, we reset fairly quickly. I do realize not all men reset quickly, but most of us do. Women, however, do not. If a man drops to 70%, then returns from that, a woman drops to 20% and has to start over from there.

How do we tell and how do we help her not break the momentum? I always pay attention to her non verbal queues first. I know my SO, I know her body and her movements. With this, I know when she’s getting close. Also, listen to what she’s saying to you. For example, when she says “Just like that” then don’t change anything. Don’t speed up, slow down, push harder, change nothing. When she says “just like that”, that is exactly what she means. Just like that.

I know all this seems a little silly to have to say. But with everyone’s goal of an orgasm, you don’t want to be that man that gets yours and she doesn’t’ get hers. The fun really begins when you start using your knowledge of her reactions to build and pull back. Momentum and the female orgasm doesn’t have to be an elusive thing. Kim Anami had a great blog post about building momentum in the relationship. Momentum is more than about sex. Remember that!

Building and pulling back pushes waves of pleasure through her. Once you have learnd her body language, you can use that to push her almost to orgasm, then pull back. You don’t want her to get too close, though. Just make sure she’s feeling good, then slow down, change position, something different. This will keep her orgasm a moving target for her. Then, once you push her through the orgasm, it’s explosive. That’s always a fun one!

If you have any questions about this, or anything you’d like to see me write about, check out our Contact Page and shoot us a message. We’d love to hear from you!

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