Some of the big blowjob obstacles that can reduce her desire to please are you attitude and grooming. Jordan Grey has an excellent post about getting more BJ’s from your partner. If you act like she owes you head, you are already losing. You want her to want to suck your dick. Keep it clean, keep your hair trimmed (if she likes that). Be positive when it’s happening and don’t complain!

The big things I would point out in this situation is to not be negative, and to communicate non-verbally during the BJ itself. You know when your partner is having a good time, she communicates non verbally during sex! So should you during a blowjob. Moan, grunt, say something when things feel good. Make good sounds when good things happen, make bad sounds when bad things happen. She’s listening, she’s pleasing you, so she’s trying to make you happy. If this seems weird to you (and it did to me for a long time) then you need to realize that it’s just like you going down on her. You want to please her!

Not being negative is something that is a big deal. It seems really logical. But, in the heat of the moment sometimes we say things we don’t mean. Or how we don’t mean them. Which is why it’s a good idea to discuss these things before or after, not during the blowjob. Just be open, be direct, and communicate what you like. Do not critique her technique, she wants to please you. Say things like “I like it when you lick right under my head” and not being negative about it. When you communicate about it, you need to be open with her about what she likes and wants and needs when you go down on her.

It’s important that we don’t expect blowjobs. They aren’t magic. Life isn’t pornography. Every time your dick comes out it doesn’t’ mean it needs to be sucked. Not every woman likes giving head, while some enjoy it a great deal. This is where communicating your needs and wants are so important. I know in my relationship, all I have to do is ask for one and there’s a 99% chance I’ll get one. It’s like this because we have such a great, open relationship and we talk and communicate so well. It’s not magic, it takes work. But it’s worth every ounce of effort.

Some of these conversations are hard. I would strongly suggest, as Jordan Grey does, that you set aside time specifically for this. Specifically to talk about your sex life. Don’t limit it to a single act, and I would strongly suggest you each prepare a list. Actually write it down. Being organized about your thoughts and being intentional about it is a good thing. It is not a list of things she’s doing wrong or unfulfilled needs, although it’s OK to bring up unfulfilled needs. Jordan also make a great point when she discusses your approach, don’t say “I want more blowjobs” but frame it as something you can both work together, like “I want our sex life to be vibrant and fun, how can we get back to that”. “I want more blowjobs” invites more of a tit-for-tat conversation, which brings me to another great point.

Sometimes getting head is tit-for-tat. It doesn’t have to be a 1:1 exchange. But, it does need to be equitable. If you are not going down on her, it’s likely not on her mind that you are lacking. Again, it’s not something that you should have to earn. It’s something you want to be given freely. A BJ that’s given is a thousand times better than a BJ that’s obligatory or coerced.

The following points need to be your take aways from this post:

• Stay clean and well groomed
• Be positive in your vocal and non-vocal communication
• Be direct in your conversations about sex
• Set aside dedicated time to communicate what you want from your sex life
• Giving oral is as important as receiving it.

If you have anything you’d like to add to this, please contact us at the contact us page, or comment on this post! We would love to hear from you and get your thoughts on what’s been said or even a critique.

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