How Orgasms Feel

You should be able to tell when your partner has an orgasm.  In general, if she doesn’t know or isn’t sure, then it likely didn’t happen.  I realize I might catch shit for saying that, but in my experience, if your partner can’t tell it hasn’t happened.  When your partner has a good orgasm, her pussy with tighten and pulse around your dick.  She might vocalize and shut her eyes.  Some women are squirters as well.

Orgasmic Reactions

Orgasmic reactions can be really strong.  We need to learn how to react to her orgasmic reactions.  Laughing, crying, shaking and shuddering are all things that can happen.  If you aren’t prepared for it, they can be shocking.  It’s always a surprise when everything is euphoric, and suddenly your partner is crying.  Expecting a strong reaction will help you be ready, even if there’s not one.  The orgasmic reactions like laughing can be such a surprise that it might stop your ability to climax.  The Guardian has a story about that exact situation.

Crying during an orgasm has a name, it’s called “crymaxing”.  Knowing WHY your partner is crying should help alleviate any concerns it may cause.  PubMed has a study where all these reactions are called “peri-orgasmic phenomena”.  It’s from the cascade of hormones that the brain produces.  Flooding with dopamine and oxytocin.  There’s a whole reddit thread about some women relaying that it happens to them regularly.

Orgasmic reactions can cause shuddering, stiffening of her entire body, loss of control of her bladder, inability to speak or walk.  It’s fun to learn about these things with your partner if she doesn’t know.

How to React to her Orgasmic Reactions

In the reddit post listed above, you can read about a variety of women having crymax orgasms.  You should read your partner and see what they want you to do.  Aftercare is something we’ve discussed before here.  You should ask your partner what she wants, and hopefully she knows how she’s going to react to her orgasm.  That should help guide you to your reaction to her orgasmic reaction.

If she’s not able to anticipate her reaction to her orgasm, you need to be ready with some ideas.  Lie down next to her and hold her, put a hand on her to remind her you are there, or just lie there and gently touch.  Every woman will have a different need during this time, so you need to pay attention to her reactions to what you are trying.

Conclusion

In the end, it’s all about being there for your partner.  So, anticipate, be prepared, and have fun!  As always, if there’s something that you want to let us know, use the Contact page to get ahold of us!

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Defining SubSpace

There are several definitions of Subspace.  The best one I’ve found is at HelloFlo.  They describe it as feeling disconnected and euphoric.  The Bad Girls Bible says that it is like a runner’s high.  The definitions are similar in that they both list loss of time, inability to communicate, raised pain threshold, and a feral feeling.  I’ve discussed SubSpace before on this post,

SubSpace as a Submissive

When your submissive enters subspace, she is giving over herself to you completely.  She is trusting you to please her and yourself.  Your submissive will start to communicate less coherently.  As they give in to you, they will turn into a vessel for you to please and use.  The feelings felt will change from session to session, and submissives will feel different themselves as well.

In general terms, submissives report feeling floaty, disconnected, and in pleasure.  According to the Bad Girls Bible, the feelings vary widely.  Some submissives can be paddled and not feel anything at all, while some report feeling drugged.  Others feel nothing but pleasure, and lose the ability to speak or move.

The Dark Side of SubSpace

SubSpace is dangerous, and if you chose to practice a dom/sub relationship you need to be wary of the dangers.  We discussed a raised pain threshold.  This means the submissive might not be aware of how much damage she’s taking.  As the dom, you need to be aware of this.  Learn both your limits.

If you aren’t in tune with your submissive partner, then you might want to avoid subspace.  Not knowing what her limits are, or her cues for when she might be beyond her limits and unable to articulate them is dangerous.  It can lead to her being pushed too far.  No one wants mental or physical damage from sex!

SubDrop and AfterCare

SubDrop

Many articles online have been written about subdrop.  When the session is complete, it is imperative that you take care of your submissive partner.  When your submissive is in subspace and the session ends, there will be a lot of emotions and feelings that have to be dealt with.  Including exhaustion, hunger, cold, and disorientation.  This can happen anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours after the session.  It would be exaggerated with a sudden, unexpected stop of the session.

Subdrop happens because the endorphins in the brain “dry up”.  When the adrenaline kicks in after a session, and the endorphins are crashing, there’s a response that’s sadness.  That response is subdrop.

AfterCare

The fix for this is Aftercare.  The secret to aftercare is that you both need it.  Aftercare is providing water, food, cuddling, and being present for your submissive.  When she’s in subspace, coming back can take time.  A lot of energy has been expended, and it’s not always easy to return from a space where you’ve submitted your body to someone.

Aftercare will help both of you reset.  I know, as a dom, that I have felt disconnected and “primal” during a session.  The disconnect is similar to what the submissive feels, and you both need it.

As always, if you would like to contact us, reach out on the Contact Page linked here and on the menu bar.

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The Whole Kit

Keep the items you’ll use for sex in a convenient place, together.   Sometimes, the toys can get out of hand.  Currently, that’s my situation.  I am looking for a good way to organize all our toys right now.  So, keep in mind storage and organization when you plan your kit.  We’ve talked about the toys before, so this post will focus more on cleanup than kit contents.

Cleanup Contents of the Kit

Wet Wipes

Most important, wet wipes.  Baby wipes, whatever you want to call them.  They pick up bodily fluids well, they are the right size, and they are convenient.  Have these on the bed with you or nearby so you can clean your partner up quickly.  When you cum in or on your partner, using a wet wipe to clean her up will help her avoid getting an IUD.

Towels

Towels are for both you and your partner.  If you don’t have a sex blanket to keep the bed dry, use towels.  Once you’ve wiped down both yourself and your partner, dry off with a towel.  Dry off your sweat from the exertion and fund of the sex.  Keep a couple of small towels and a large towel handy.  It is a small thing that is a huge help!

How to Cleanup Your Partner

You have to be careful when you are cleaning up your partner.  Some women get UTI’s easier than others.  A UTI is a Urinary Tract Infection.  They are painful.  You can see on this post the basic anatomy of your partner (and in the photo above).   Pay attention to how you wipe your partner.  You CANNOT go from bottom to top. Keep anything from the anus area and as much of the vulva as you can away from the “top” of the vagina.

Your goal is to keep the bodily fluids away from the urethral opening.  Keeping this clean will save her from a lot of pain and having to deal with a UTI.   Cleaning up your partner and doing it correctly is a big part of aftercare as well.

It is best for your partner to urinate after sex.  This Healthline article discusses this at #2.  But, that article is non-commital about peeing after sex.  Flushing her privates after sex makes sense.

Aftercare

Cleanup is a big part of aftercare.  Cleaning your partner gives you the opportunity to care for a part of her she doesn’t share with many.  Cleanup can be intimate and fun, I know we try to make it as fun and intimate as we can!  Aftercare is not just for dominant/submissive relationships.  It is for any relationship.

As always, don’t hesitate to reach out and ask questions or suggest changes or subjects you’d like to see written about.  Just use our Contact Page!

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SubSpace

When a person goes into a submissive place mentally, they are going to a submissive headspace. They have given over to you control of their body and their pleasure. They trust you completely. Some people refer to this submission as “subspace”. There are different types of subspace, with some of them lasting hours while others can last days. I know from my experience, if we are on a vacation with just us it can last days.

As with every part of your sex life, this will require deep, trusting communication. I link to that post about communication on every subsequent post because it’s the most important part of sex. Trust and communication are absolutely tantamount to a successful dom/sub (D/s) relationship. The submissive is placing her trust in you to please her. She’s trusting you with her body, mind and her pleasure. It takes a huge amount of faith and trust that you aren’t going to abuse that trust, and that mental “place” is her subspace.

This is where foreplay comes in. Having your partner be comfortable, but submissive, is a good place to be. You can read this post about tying your woman to the bed about foreplay and it’s importance physically. Mentally, this time will be for your sub to get into her subspace. Subspace will put her into an almost trance-like state. She will literally be there for your use, you can fuck her how you want (within the communicated limits). I know in my case, the limits are different when she’s in subspace. She communicates this to me using small verbal and physical clues that you will have to work out with your sub, or just be attentive.

Scene

A “scene” is what a BDSM session is referred to in the community. It is not the act itself, but the whole session where she’s submitting to you. It will include foreplay, discipline (if you are in to that), one or several sex acts, then aftercare. While in subspace, your sub will probably react differently to things that are happening to her. She will react differently to pain and pleasure when she’s in this subspace. In my experience, pain tolerance goes up and pleasure is amplified. This is because she’s not thinking about anything but the sex act and expecting pleasure, she’s in subspace.

Once the scene is done, and you’ve both had your orgasms or the goals of the scene have been accomplished, it’s time for aftercare. When coming out of subspace, you will need to care for your submissive. Hold her, kiss her, let her know and feel that you are there for her. She’s very literally coming down from a high. Tell her she did a good job, praise her performance. Hold her tight and kiss her gently. Cover her body with a blanket. Get her water. Take off the restraints. All these things will help her come back out of subspace. Some couples will use this time to give the submissive an orgasm. We do not separate her orgasm from the BDSM session in my experience.

Avoiding Sub-Drop

All the things above will help pull her back to reality and re-ground her. Not making sure your sub is OK with aftercare can cause a sub-drop or “The Mondays”. It’s from the adrenaline and endorphin crashes that are normal after a scene. Aftercare is an effort to buoy those feelings and fight the tendency for the sub to feel depressed. Sometimes, a sub drop happens despite your best efforts. Try mild exercise or chocolate, as they both release endorphins. Sunshine will also help, increasing vitamin D.

I’ve tried to have great advice for aftercare for your submissive partner. As always, if you have questions, check out our Contact Page and shoot us a message. We’d love to hear from you!

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