Before using any new toys, be sure to familiarize yourself with the controls and how to use the toy.  Fumbling for “how to” in the heat of the moment can ruin the mood.  Be prepared and get to know the toy.  Turn it on, play with the speed controls, be able to control it without thinking about it and getting out of the moment with your partner!

Pulsing Clitoral Stimulators

This type of toy comes from several different brands, but the functions are basically the same.  They really hit the scene in the early 2010’s, according to Biird. They have a small, clit sized opening on them, behind which is a membrane that moves in and out.  This motion creates a suction with intensity and frequency that is typically adjustable.

Playing with these toys to familiarize yourself with them is very important.  These toys have controls that can be difficult to operate in the heat of the moment.  So, you need to know how to operate the toy without thinking too hard about it.  Turn it on, place your finger over the end.  Feel the pulsing on your finger.  Turn the toy up and feel how fast and how firmly it sucks.

Once you place the clitoral stimulator on the clit, your partner should let you know how it feels.  Communicate about faster or slower, and what she likes as you play with the toy on her clit.  Your partner should guiding the intensity.

One of the nice things about this type of toy is that you can fuck while your partner stimulates her clit with the toy.  It’s great for foreplay too!  It’s a great, fun suction toy!

Pussy Pumps

Pussy pumps are another example of a fun suction toy.  These differ from the clitoral stimulators in that they suction on the entire pussy.  Typically, they have a cup that covers the entire labia and clitoral hood.  The purpose is to engorge the vaginal area with blood to increase sensitivity and pleasure.

While pusys pumps are fun suction toys, caution should be used.  You can suction too hard, causing a distension.  Distention is where the inside comes outside.  The goal is for the area to be engorged with blood, not bruised and pulling the insides out.

Because the toy covers the clitoris, it will engorge that as well.  This will increase the pleasure for your partner.

Your Mouth

This is probably the most fun.  Cunnilingus should always have an element of sucking involved.  Using your mouth to suck on your partners pussy is amazing.  There’s a whole post on cunnilingus, so we won’t go over it again.  But adding suction to the clitoris adds a new dimension of pleasure for your partner.  The intimacy of using your mouth to do it only adds to the heat of the moment.  Of all the fun suction toys, the mouth is the most fun.

Conclusion

No matter what toy you try and add to your sex life, communication with your partner is the best way to get the most out of the toys.  Using a clitoral stimulator, pussy pump, or your mouth, you have to communicate with your partner.

If you have anything you’d like to add, contact us at the “Contact Page” link above!

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Local Stores

Going to a local store will give you a chance to ask questions, and feel the products. Theses are the best places to buy sex toys. But, seeing the breadth of products available in person is always fun. It’s always easy to spot a huge dildo molded like two hands and forearms, but seeing it in person is a whole other ballgame. I know it seems weird to touch a sex toy that’s not yours. But, the store is there to help you make an informed decision. Talk to the staff. Yes, it’s embarrassing for you the first time. Communicating is a huge part of sex. If you have a goal in mind, talk to the salesperson about it. Then, you’ll get an informed opinion and some options. After you have spoken to them, walk around the store and look around. Even if this takes a few trips to become comfortable, that is OK.

Talking to the clerk has saved me on several occasions. It’s stopped me from buying junk, or buying something that isn’t what I thought it was. The clerks, in my experience, have all been very helpful in finding a toy that works for my SO. I don’t have a pussy (obviously) so knowing what works from experience is important. They help me with that when I have questions about something specific.

Lovehoney.com

Lovehoney.com is my go to store online. They have excellent customer service, great pricing, and always seem to have what I’m looking for. Joining their mailing list saves you some money too. It sounds like a paid advertisement, but I’m not affiliated with them in any way. I do have an affiliate account with them, but it is not currently linked on this site. Expect that integration sometime soon. I always shop here first. This is what I would call a “trusted site” because they carry name brands and back them with the warranty from the company or their own warranty.

Liberator.com

Liberator.com is my go to for larger things that Lovehoney may not carry. For example, I have purchased a few sex wedges and ramps from them. The sell sex furniture, like a lounger built to accommodate several fun positions. Liberator is a strong name in the industry, and has been around for a while. One of the products they no longer carry inspired me to make my own headboard with hidden restraints. They are great for toys as well, but their selection isn’t as broad as Lovehoney has. What they do carry is quality. I also have an affiliate account with them. But, it’s not something that I’ve done yet on the site. Expect that soon as well.

Etsy.com

Etsy.com is a great place to go for custom items. Once you and your partner communicate and discover something you are both into, get something custom. Personally, I have custom restraints made by Atrocity Shop and I’ve been nothing but happy with their products. I have a full underbed restraint system made by them. Very strong, and very beautiful. My SO says it’s very confortable. We did have an issue with the size of the collar, but Dirk rectified it for me in no time! Etsy has a LOT of stores for dom/sub items, custom restraints, ideas for storage, etc.

Amazon.com

Amazon.com is good for devices that you know the specific of what you want. For example, I’ve purchased a Hitachi wand on Amazon with a speed controller. Amazon is also great for things that aren’t sex specific, but make sex easier. I’ve talked about being prepared in this post. I’ve purchased towels, lube, and sex blankets from Amazon. The blankets we use to protect the bed are extremely soft and water resistant. They are actually pet blankets, but they work really well, and are a fraction of the cost of a sex blanket.

As always If you want to communicate with me, please drop me a ling at contactus@menssexadvice.com!

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Clitoral Stimulation

We won’t cover the ins and outs of warming up your partner as that’s been covered. Just know that foreplay is important and needs to be something that we all recognize as something that needs to be done. Typically, clitoral stimulation is generally thought of as vibrators. Now, there’s a lot of toys that use gentle suction. Also, there are also toys now that touch-stimulate the clitoris with a simulated tongue. The We-Vtibe company makes the best toys that I’ve found. Their quality is high, and their support is also excellent.

We-Vibe Sync

The We-Vibe Sync is a toy that stimulates both inside and externally for her. There’s a vibrator motor on both the part of the toy that goes inside and the part that lays outside the pussy. It’s also controllable through your phone through bluetooth. And, it’s capable of being truly remotely controlled by you through your partner’s phone. This toy can be “hands free” and inside her during sex, which is something we like. Also, I like being able to remotely control the toy, if we are out on a date or just hanging out at home.

We-Vibe Tango

We also have a We-Vibe Tango. It’s a small lipstick sized vibrator. Typically, most people associate size with power. With the Tango, this is simply not the case. Because we used the Tango so much, we wore it out and had to buy a new one. With the Tango, there’s a difference between a buzz and a rumble. With the Tango, you get a rumble. It’s also the toy of choice when we are packing light. Well, this toy and the Sync.

Magic Wand

Another toy for clitoral stimulation is the mythical Magic Wand. This toy has an interesting history. Hitachi used to own and manufacture the Magic Wand as a massage implement. Over time, Hitachi found the need to distance itself from a sex toy so they spun the company off and sold it. When I bought a Magic Wand, I bought a speed controller for it as well. Also, I would strongly suggest people get a speed controller with their Magic Wand. Only having a high-off-low switch doesn’t give you the flexibility you are going to want. This toy sees a lot of use, and is one that almost always travels with us as well. It’s powerful, it’s adjustable, and it’s easy to handle. Even in the heat of the moment.

Womanizer

The Womanizer is a toy that creates a suction against her clit. This is a pulsing sensation that gently sucks on her clit externally. Judging by some of the videos that you can find with a quick Google search, and my own experience, this toy is worth every dollar. Using is during intercourse to stimulate her externally will help her reach one powerful orgasm. It’s sort of amazing to see how quickly this little wonder works. It’s on my list of “must buy” for anyone that asks me for advice. Also, it’s one toy that always makes the trip when we go out of town.

Internal Toys

Internal toys are toys like dildos, egg vibrators, and G-spot stimulators. Dildos come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Egg vibrators also have different sizes and shapes. Eggs also have remote controls or controls on the device itself. G-spot stimulators look like vibrators with a curve. The curve is to reach up against the G-spot, where the nerves come together as a bundle.

Dildos

Remember that the pussy is a muscle, and even a large dildo will not permanently change the shape of a pussy. They make those things HUGE. But, if you communicate with your partner you can find one that works for her and you both. They make dildos that vibrate, and suction cup bases, with and without balls. If you want some really different toys, check out Bad Dragon. Having one that suction cups to a smooth surface can help you and your partner simulate a threesome, allowing her to fuck herself while giving you head. It’s also sexy as hell to watch her fuck it.

Egg Vibrators

Egg vibrators are small and shaped like eggs, hence the name. These toys can be used like any vibrator, against the external pleasure points or fully inserted into the pussy. It’s important to communicate with your partner about what they want from this toy. Fucking her with the egg inserted can feel good, but you have to be mindful of how your dick is pushing against it. Depending on your size you can hurt your partner. Get an egg vibrator with a remote control. It’s fun to change the vibration settings while it’s inside her. It’s also very important to get a toy that you can get back out, so make sure it’s got a tail of some sort that will allow you to get the toy back out of her.

G-Spot Stimulators

G-Spot stimulators typically they have some sort of external part that will stay outside your partner. Reaching inside her with a curved shape so that they can vibrate and stimulate the G-spot. They will have controls on the part of the toy that stays outside or will be remote controlled. I would strongly suggest getting one that its remotely controlled. In the heat of the moment, it’s fun to control these toys just like the egg when there’s other things happening.

Anal Toys

Anal toys and anal play are often thought of as taboo. Anal takes preparation and great communication. We’ve talked about anal sex before so I’m not going to go over all the details. But, I will remind you that towels are your friend, and you need lube. I suggest Astroglide Gel, I get mine at Wal-Mart or Amazon. Anal toys can vibrate or just be something that sits just inside.

Butt plugs have a large variety of sizes and shapes. The important thing to remember about a butt plug is that the base that stays outside the body is flared. This flaring is what keeps the toy from going inside the body, and is 100% needed, unless you want to visit the ER with a funny story. Butt plugs come in lots of sizes and shapes. Some are remote controlled, some even come with a cock ring attached and insert into the mans ass. There are even some that inflate with a pump. Anal toys can be left in during sex as well, some women really enjoy the “full” sensation. If you get one with a handle as part of the base, gently pulling on it when she’s cumming is a nice sensation as well.

Toys are fun

I’m trying to show that toys can be very fun! Having fun pleasing your partner is something we should all try to do. It’s not as simple as “happy wife, happy life” which I find reductive and counter productive to a healthy relationship. It’s more about having a happy healthy sex life means that you should be trying to please your partner and she should be trying to please you. Toys are just one thing that can augment this. But, it’s so important to keep in mind that you are not being replaced with toys. You are augmenting what you can do with your body, hands, and mouth with a toy.

As always, if you want to reply to this, leave a comment or email us at the comment page!

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The Stigma

The stigma behind men having sex toys is sexist. It’s time for it to die. I’ve read and heard the arguments for and against them, and they all would apply to both sexes. The most common shaming is that real men don’t need toys. If that’s true, then real women don’t either. Which is ridiculous. Sex feels good, and should feel good for everyone involved. Even masturbation, for both sexes. The use of a toy doesn’t change the fact that everyone deserves pleasure. But, I know that not everyone will change their mind about this subject. So we’ll acknowledge that it exists and most on, then move on agreeing that the stigma with men’s sex toys is stupid.

The Toys

The toys we can get cover the gamut from cheap and tiny to expensive and needs it’s own room. The smaller toys are similar to what’s available to our partners. Small vibrators, prostate simulators, butt plugs, all these things are toys for men. I know most men balk at the idea of using a butt plug, but we all need to know that there’s pleasure nerves around your anus too. Using a buttplug shouldn’t be something we stigmatize. It doesn’t mean you’ve changed sexual preference. The vast majority of is are not a 0 or a 6 on the Kinsey Scale. So, with that in mind lets talk about anal toys.

Our prostate is in our ass. To start, have her rub your taint firmly while she’s sucking your dick. She’s hitting your prostate from the outside. There’s a lot of pleasure that can come from stimulating our prostate. Some sex toys that can do this for us are the NJoy Wand, basic simulators, We-Vibe even makes a remote control toy. I’ve hit mine with the NJoy Wand we have. The experience is extremely intense. It’s very clear that I would totally be down to let my SO remotely control that toy. We have a couple of remote toys for her, turn-about is fair play!

As we move up the scale in price, we get into masturbation toys. Examples are Fleshlights, Tenga Eggs, vibrating contraptions, and some designed to cater to specific fetishes. Fleshlights have been around for a long time. Porn stars have worked with Fleshlight to build toys molded after their pussies, assholes, and generic lips. Tenga makes a few toys for men, including the Tenga Egg. They also have some vibrating masturbators as well. While there are some vibrating toys, some of the more interesting toys are the ones for fetishes. For example, there’s this toy for foot fetishists. It’s important to remember that there are varied tastes and everyone has their thing.

Moving further up the price scale, we get to hands free masturbation. Toys that can fuck you, artificially blow you, or just masturbate for you. As you can see here, there is a product to mount your Fleshlight into that masturbates for you. Fleshlight makes a similar product for their QuickShot line. There’s also the Autoblow AI. Simulating a blowjob is it’s only function. There are several settings, with several “sleeves” available. While I think most men would think of these as a women’s sex toy, there are fucking machines as well. Just because you think of them for women, doesn’t mean men can’t use them as well.

At the top of the cost spectrum for toys are the RealDolls and similar products. There are cheaper versions of this toy but RealDoll, to my knowledge, was the first and is the gold standard. For those that don’t know, these are full sized human dolls that are posable, and have “serviceable holes”. The mouth, the anus and the vagina all work. Also, The doll is posable, meaning you can put these dolls in many positions and they stay in that position. So if you want to have sex doggy style, that’s possible. Hang her head off the bed for oral, yup, she can do that. There’s a documentary about the RealDolls called “Love me, Love My Doll” on YouTube about the life of some men that own RealDoll companions. There are other “videos” on some of the porn sites if you want to see action video.

Summary

As you can see, there’s a lot out there. From simple vibrators and prostate stimulators to full on life size sex dolls. I don’t think we should ever shame other men for wanting or having sex toys. Having a sex toy doesn’t make you less of a man. The thought is patently ridiculous. No one thinks less of a woman when she’s got some sex toys. I’ve got a drawer full of toys for myself and my SO. Men’s sex toys are just as fun as women’s.

This is another area where you need to communicate with your partner. It’s OK to not want toys in your sex life for yourself. It’s also OK to want them in your sex life. There is no wrong answer, there’s only your answer. Communication, as we know from every other post on this blog, is paramount to a good relationship. As always, if you have questions, check out our Contact Page and shoot us a message. We’d love to hear from you!

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Toys are Not the Enemy

Toys are not the enemy. I can empathize with the way you might feel about this. I had insecurities about sex toys, even with my current SO. They stemmed from other issues from a previous relationship. Her desire for a toy has nothing to do with you being inadequate. It’s simple biology that she cannot orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. Attaching negative emotions to things that provide her with pleasure is a losing game. Even if she says she’s OK without the toys, she’s still not getting what she needs from sex. It’s not fair for you to put your emotional shortcomings on her, taking pleasure away from her.

Knowing her anatomy (both in general, and the anatomy of the clitoris) will help you understand why sometimes orgasms just don’t happen vaginally. The clitoris is much larger than you think and sometimes you just can’t hit it with your dick. That’s OK. That is where toys come in. Toys can build and keep the momentum up for her, which you can read about in the linked article.

The real goal is to make her associate you with the pleasure of fucking. That means that you need to learn to use the toys on her. Not every time in every way. But, knowing your partners specific anatomy and what makes her feel good will allow you to add the toys to your repertoire. It’s important to keep in mind that you don’t want negativity to invade your sex life. That means that attaching positive, orgasmic feelings to the act and to the toys, for both of you.

You are More than your Dick

Toys can never replace you, so stop being intimidated by them. It’s not always easy to let these feelings go, I understand that. But, for a happy and healthy sex life, you need to. You have to remember that toys cannot hug, they cannot kiss, they cannot talk dirty or sweetly. Toys cannot dominate her or learn how she likes that one spot on her neck kissed. My point is that there’s a lot more to you than your penis. You shouldn’t think of your partner as only her vagina, don’t think of your body as only your dick.

Using toys to bring her to orgasm is nothing to be intimidated by. It’s simply another tool you need to know how to use with her to get her there. Use them to build momentum, building to her big finale. Don’t get caught up in the mechanism used to get there, get caught up in the fact that YOU did it. I can promise you she’s not thinking “I love that vibrator”. She’s thinking “I love that man, he just made me cum SO hard”. For her, it’s not about the toy. Essentially, think of it like her giving you a blowjob. You don’t think of her as only her mouth. You think of her as her whole self, she’s pleasing you. Not just her mouth.

It’s important that you communicate with her about how you feel and how you intend to get over them. then act on your plan to get over the negative feelings. It sounds counter intuitive, but using the toys to please her is the best route to take. By using the toys, you are actually going to start associating the positive with the toy. Which also means that she’ll start associating the pleasure with you. It will take a few times, and she will need to communicate what feels good and what doesn’t. But, trust me, there will be a shift in the way you think about the toys.

I have a whole post on toys on the blog. I won’t go into the generalizations I have on that post, but there will be other posts about toys in the future. As always, if you need to communicate for a correction, yell at me for generalizing, or have a suggestion about the blog, use the contact us page!

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Sex toys are there to augment your sex life. The biggest concerns I see online are men worrying about the dildo/vibrator replacing their dick. It does not work that way. A toy cannot hug, hold or kiss you. Toys cannot comfort her, hug her, or be with her during rough times. A toy is never to replace, only augment. So, adding toys to the bedroom should add to both your experiences.

How you use the toys will depend on the toy. We have experience with expensive and inexpensive toys. Without only a couple of exceptions, the expensive toys have been worth their prices. This is my experience with sex toys.

To start, I would strongly avoid buying off Amazon. I know it’s cheap, but it’s not the good kind of cheap. Buying from sex toy retailers will ensure that you are getting the product you are paying for. My SO and I will go into sex stores and buy products so that we know we are getting warranty and quality. You want to stick with the brands you know or have heard of. We like We-Vibe, Magic Wand, LoveSense, and Lelo (among others). There are knock offs of all these products online. The problem with just getting them wherever (or on Amazon) is that they are often made with inferior plastics. Because these products go inside, on and around our most sensitive parts, we need to pay attention to quality.

Lets start with men’s sex toys. As most of you know, these carry a negative stigma. Even in my mind, I still have a mental block against buying them for myself. There is a large variety of toys for us. Shopping at stores like LoveHoney, you will see a big variety of toys for us. Some of them are inexpensive, some are hundreds of dollars. The least expensive male toys are cock rings. These go around the base of your shaft or the shaft and balls. They work to help your body contain the blood in your penis to maintain an erection. You can see the anatomy in this post that makes this work.

On the expensive end of the spectrum, there are completely automated masturbators. You will find that these machines are designed to simulate anything from a blowjob to vagina or anal sex. Because I’ve never tried these machines, I can’t tell you much about them. It’d be interesting to try one, for sure. But I would want to use it with my SO. Solo play just isn’t fun without sharing our kinks!

Lastly, my favorite group of toys, couples toys. Again, you can go from inexpensive to expensive. My SO and I like the remote controlled toys. In our experience, the toys that stimulate her clit while having sex are fun. For foreplay, the womanizer is very fun gently sucking on her clit before I do. It’s important not to be intimidated by something that’s designed to augment your pleasure as a couple, though! Keeping in mind that nothing can replace you, seeing your partner writhe in pleasure should be your goal, no matter the methodology.

Finally, make sure you are having fun with not just the toy, but the selection as well! As always, if you have questions, check out our Contact Page and shoot us a message. We’d love to hear from you!

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