Anatomy

There’s a whole post about female that I hope you’ve read already.  Women are much more than just their pussy, we all know this.  We need to understand the anatomy of what we are doing before we get into the event itself.  Understanding where things are will help you please your partner.  Knowing why she feels the things she does will help you make her feel amazing.  So, learn the anatomy.  Learn where the clitorus is and where it goes inside her body.

Paying Attention to Her Responses

You have to pay attention to her responses to your inputs.  Make sure that you’ve communicated before sex about what you like and don’t like.  Then pay attention.  You have to understand it takes build up.  Turn her brain on then you can play with her body.  She will respond to your touches and you should know her reactions, good or bad.  Also remember evokes a negative response in the beginning might evoke a much different reaction once the action heats up.

Heating Things Up

Just like you, your partner doesn’t have a “switch” to be turned on, it’s a process.  She needs to be warmed up.  So when you start, be gently.  Kiss and caress all over.  Tell her how beautiful she is.  touch her chest (not just her breasts).  There are other posts about warming up and how to “get her started”, but it’s important to remember.

Once she’s going a little, kiss her pussy.  Right on the lips.  Lick from bottom to top, paying attention GENTLY to the tip of the clitoris.  Use your lips, not your tongue (except to keep your lips wet).  Rub her lips with yours.  Then start using your tongue both in and on her pussy and tip of her clitoris.  Once you are really going, add your fingers and help her climax!

Using Your Lips

As stated above, using your lips is good in the beginning.  It’s important to know that in general, most women do not want a lot of direct simulation on the tip of their clitoris in the beginning.  It is too much.  So, be gently, using your lips on her lips.  Then, as she gets more turned on you can be more aggressive.  Your lips should be slick and slide around, but you can also suck on her lips some, kiss all over.  Build her up then pull back, kiss her inner thighs, take a minute to appreciate the view from time to time.  Then dive back in to the job at hand!

Your lips should be used the whole time (along with your tongue).  Sucking on her lips and the tip of her clit will feel good to her.  You can build up the aggressiveness as she gets more turned on.  Just pay attention to how she’s reacting to your inputs.  She should be making it clear if it’s not working for her.

Adding Your Fingers

Anatomy rears its head again.  Knowing your partner’s anatomy is important, as is knowing what she likes and dislikes.  Some general things to remember are start gentle, let her lead the aggressiveness that you play with her with.  Play with the outside of her labia with enough pressure that you are gently moving her clitorus (using your fingers to squeeze her outer labia and move them up and down making sure everything is lubricated where you are touching).  Practice playing with her pussy, enjoy the time and pay attention.  Be intentional with your actions here.

Penetrate gently with the intention to augment your oral work, not to bring her to climax.  Know where to press for maximum effect but remember to pull back.

Time for the Lips and Tongue

Lick her pussy.  Savor the taste, the texture.  The way her skin feels smooth and inviting.  Feel her body respond to finally feeling your tongue on her skin.  Kiss her labia and the outer-labia skin.  Work your way toward her vaginal opening and her clit.  Be gentle.  Tease her.  Flatten your tongue and lick her slowly from the bottom of her vaginal opening to her clit, letting each part of your tongue touch her clit.

The licking continues, but add sucking on her labia and clitorus (gentle, let her guide you!).  Focus more and more on her clit.  Use your fingers at her guidance, some women like internal and external stimulation, some only like it for part of the ride.

The Orgasm

Now it’s time to focus.  Really work her clit.  Use your tongue, suck with her guidance (and remember her guidance for next time).  From what I’ve read and in my experience, most women are 11:00 or 1:00 women.  That means they have a preferred “side” of the clitorus to stimulate at your 11 or 1 o’clock.  But don’t focus only there, work around it, suck on it, lick it all over with varying and increasing pressure.

Sucking on her clit as though it’s a tiny penis head as you eat her pussy also feels amazing.  Feeling her clit expand under the negative pressure in your mouth s you eat her pussy feels so good.  The slickness of the skin, the taste of all her juices as she gets more excited is intoxicating.  Her body should be responding all over now, hands grabbing or opening and closing.  Her back arching off the bed.  She might even be moving her pussy around as your mouth “chases” it.

As the orgasm hits her, it’s similar to when you are getting a blowjob and your head gets too sensitive to continue, that’s what it feels like to her if you continue stimulating.  So lay off when she makes it clear that it’s too much.

Decision Time

Some women like to ride this orgasm wave.  Do not touch her clit or her pussy until it’s clear to you that it’s OK.  It might be 90 seconds, it’ might be 30 minutes.  She might want a gentle fuck, she might want you to immediately fuck her like you own her as she’s cumming.

Now that you’ve given her the orgasm she so richly deserves, she’s going to have a tough time talking.  You should know your relationship well enough to know your partner’s body language.  Using this, you should know when to move on to fucking her.  But that’s not part of this post….

Conclusion

Now that you have some guidelines on how to eat her pussy until she can’t talk, using this to bring her to some of the best orgasms she’s ever had should be a little, or a lot, easier.  As always, if you have a comment or question, please let me know using the contact page link above!  For some further reading, the article on Thought Catalog is something that I agree with.

Caveats and a Word of Warning

There is one thing to make sure you do.  If your partner says “like that” as you eat her pussy, you are going to feel the urge to speed up, apply more pressure, change something.  Please, do not do this.  Just don’t.  Your partner is communicating that she’s close and loves what’s happening.  Changing it resets her orgasm meter.

This is not intended to be the last article written about this for this site.  The plan is to write a few articles that work on different part of the act.  This advice is not intended to be universal and not all women can or will be satisfied by the techniques described below.

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Skin

Skin is a sex organ.  Feeling the touch of your partner as they drag their fingers over you.  Sensing their breath on you as they move their mouth closer.  Knowing their tongue is tasting your body.  Flushing with blood as your partner’s touch, feeling the warmth of their body against yours.  Sensual massage from your partner is a great way to be sensual with your body.

Anus

Yes, the anus is a sexual organ. There are a lot of nerve endings in the anus.  Penetration is not necessary, simply pressing on the anus during foreplay feels pleasurable.  Rimming (the act of orally stimulating your partner’s anus which can lead to analingus) is putting pressure on your anus with their tongue.  Penetration can feel good too, just follow the same rules we’ve talked about when we discussed anal sex.  Go slow, use lots of lube, relax.  This leads us to the prostate!

Prostate

The prostate is inside your body.  You can see on this post where it is.  The prostate can be stimulated from the outside as well.  Have your partner press on the outside of your body between your legs, near your anus.  If you press firmly in that area, you’ll feel pleasure inside.  Allowing your partner to insert their finger and provide direct pressure can give you out of this world pleasure.  There is a stigma around this because it’s anal pleasure, which is ridiculous.

Fingers

We all know our fingers are sex organs.  Playing with your partner, fingering, grabbing, holding, restraining, all the wonderful things our fingers can do.  And I didn’t even list penetrating.  Fingering both yourself or your partner is a talent to admire.  Using your fingers and hands is so important because your penis might not always work.  Being able to please your partner with your mouth or hands can get your partner there when your penis simply can’t.

Mouth

Using your mouth on your partner is also more than cunnilingus.  Stimulating your partner’s body everywhere you like to be stimulated.  Kissing literally anywhere.  Being kissed on your neck or kissing her neck.  Learning how to eat pussy well is an artform, and we’ve covered this in other posts.  Being good at cunnilingus and truly enjoying it can overcome a lot of other sexual issues.  Partner’s always enjoy a great oral session, from both sides.  My advice is to be so good at eating pussy, you partner might not even realize you haven’t fucked her yet.

Brain

This is the biggest sex organ for any human.  Think about it.  Everything we do with every part of our body during a sex session is to please us, our brain.  There’s a great story on bigthink.com about the brain and sex.  It talks about dirty talk, the pleasure centers, and a little bit of the physiological parts of the act of sex and the differences in male and female brains.  Let’s be serious though, the brain drives our sexual desires.  It makes us do the things we do.  It settles and judges all our decisions as to why it’s OK for some people to have a threesome but others find it completely insane, and everything in between!

More Than Our Penis

This is just the proverbial tip of the iceberg, but knowing that we are more than just a penis is important.  Just like everything we do on this site, it’s important because it’s wrong for us to think we are simply a dick.  Women aren’t expected to just be a pussy in bed, their whole body is sexualized (and to be clear, I’m not saying that is OK all the time, but in a sexual setting it IS OK).  Just like women, we have lots of ways to please our partner and multiple ways to be pleased!  There’s not shame in wanting and getting more from your sex life.  In this regard, it’s imperative in my opinion.

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Relaxing

Relaxing for a blowjob means being comfortable.  Find a spot that’s not only comfortable for you, but for your partner as well.  If you are comfortable on a chair, make sure your partner has a blanket to kneel on or sit on.  When you receive a blowjob on the bed, that means making room for your partner as well as yourself.  Just make sure you are both comfortable for the duration of the blowjob.

Preparing to be Pleased

This one sounds funny.  A great blowjob means you need to be preparing to be the center of attention.  For me, this is the hardest part.  You have to be ready to just receive pleasure without any effort on your part.  Your partner is there to give you pleasure.  They are going to be focussing on you and your pleasure.  This is an act of giving on their part, so you should be receiving with the intent of you pleasure.  So, t would be insulting to the giver to not be receptive.

Blowjobs are a selfless thing to do for the giver (although my partner would disagree).

Communicating Your Desires

Communicating your desires, likes, and dislikes during a blowjob is important.  There is no universal technique that everyone likes to receive.  So, knowing what you like is important.  Also, you could have a partner that likes to experiment with you to figure it out!  Think about pressure, like how much pressure do you like on your head or your partner’s hand on the shaft.  Do you like it when your partner plays with or sucks gently on your balls?  There are a lot of things to think about.

It is not just technique.  Think about the acts that you like or that your partner might like to try on you.  Do you want to be in their mouth the whole time?  Where do you want to cum?  Don’t forget to warn your partner before you cum because they will have a preference as well.

Communication is a two way street.  Find out if there are things your partner wants to do.  Do they want to rim you while playing with your dick, or give you some manual prostate stimulation?  These are the things you should talk about.  Hopefully, this will spur other conversations.  Be open, talk about things you have wanted to feel and let your partner express things they have wanted to try.

There are a lot of videos about it but here is a short one, and here is a course on Masterclass about this as well.

Ready for a Good Time!

Once you are ready a great blowjob, put all this prep into action!  Relax, get comfortable, and let your partner get to work pleasing you.  Let your partner put your conversation to work, putting the perfect pressure on your head.  Working your shaft just right.  Bringing you to edge and pushing you back until you can’t take it anymore.  Then, warning your partner (if that is what you decided on) and releasing your orgasm.

Conclusion

A great blowjob isn’t difficult, it just takes a bit of effort from the participants.  If you have any thoughts about the website or want to add or correct something, please use the contact us page!

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What is Edging?

Edging is bringing your partner close to orgasm, then stopping.  Typically, when a man has a ruined orgasm we basically “rest” back to almost the beginning.  Women are different in this respect.  When you edge your partner, she will typically fall back to about 80% of her level she was at when you stop or change what you are doing.  Then, you build her back up.  Please her with whatever you were doing or whatever you know she likes!

Discuss Edging With Your Partner

When you want to edge your partner, you need to discuss it first.  Talk about their reaction and frustration level with being edged.  Not everyone likes the push to stop.  Some really do not like it and it will ruin the session.  There might be a limit on the number of times she will put up with being pulled back from orgasm.  Try sticking to 3 or less, as a general rule.  When you edge your partner, you want to frustrate a little, but do not ruin the session with it.

The discussion should cover how you are going to do it, and how many times you can do it.  You can do it many ways, including switching from oral to penetration, or stopping whatever you are doing for a cooldown, or simply changing technique to something less stimulating for her.  Switching from oral to penetration stimulates her differently (as you can see in this post about her anatomy).  Stopping all stimulation is the most jarring change.  Your partner might not like this at all, or may love it.  That’s why you discuss with her what her limits are!  Changing technique is probably the most common way to edge.  Going from strong steady clitoral stimulation in oral to gentle, slow stimulation, or from pounding her during PiV to gentle slow strokes.  Either of those are great changes of pace.

Pay Attention to Her Body

When you edge your partner, you need to know her body well.  Every woman has “tells” that will let you know when she’s about to orgasm, and you need to know them.  You need to know when she’s nearing her point of no return so you can stop before that.  If you go past that point, stopping will frustrate and generally ruin the session.  Because of that, stop before she reaches her point of no return.  Watching her body allows you to control the pace of the buildup too.  Because you know her body, slowing and speeding up the buildup should be easy.

How Far Can You Push Her Into Orgasm

How far can you push her into orgasm?  That’s something that needs to be decided before, or have some way to communicate with you that she needs you to stop.  In my experience, it’s very obvious.  You need to have a nonverbal way for her to communicate to you, as well as a verbal way.  There’s a really good chance that she won’t be able to speak to you while she’s having her orgasm.  When you finally allow her release, the orgasm should be huge.

So, Why Edge Your Partner?

Edging makes the orgasm more powerful.  That’s the short answer.  The longer answer is that the buildup and pull back of the orgasm makes the orgams “goalpost” move back a little bit every time.   Meaning that if your partner usually orgasms at an “8” out of ten, then edging might push that to a “9” or a “10”.  This means that the orgasm is bigger, and much more pleasurable for her.

Edging is usually framed as a male-centric conversation.  Most men enjoy being edged during a blowjob, extending the experience.  But, women enjoy it too!  Here is a good article on womenshelth.com about edging, and its effect on orgasms.

Summarizing…

When you edge your partner, it’s erotic.  It’s erotic to watch her build and pull back.  It’s erotic to feel her body work under your control.  There is a submissive, trusting aspect to this that she will have to trust you.  The reward is well worth all the effort!

If you have a suggestion for a topic, or a correction, basically anything you would like to talk to us, please use the Contact Page!

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Head, Neck and Face Sweet Spots

We will start at the top. Her face and head are covered in hot spots.  You can gently touch her almost anywhere on her face.  Dragging your fingertips might be something she enjoys and turns her on.  Lips are an obvious area to pay attention to.  Kiss her all over her face.  Paying attention to her earlobes and behind her ears as well.

Her neck deserves special attention.  Kissing and touching her neck is a real turn on.  Some women like being grabbed and or choked.  Discuss this with her before you try it.  Communicating is very important!  There is a small part of this post about choking.  However, the neck is typically a very erogenous zone.

Her Extremities Erogenous Zones

Think of all the places we typically protect.  The wrist, the crook of the elbow the backs of her knees, the shoulders.  These are all erogenous zones.  During foreplay, kiss her in these areas to get her motor running.  These are her hot spots.  Your partner may dislike some touching in some areas, so you need to pay attention to her reaction to your actions.

During sex, grabbing her wrists is sometimes a turn on.  Be careful with this.   You need to have communicated about this before so that she isn’t surprised by being restrained.  Again, communication is key.  It’s not all about being rough either.  Being gentle during sex is just as awesome and fun as being rough!

Her Core

The erogenous zones on her core (except for the genitals) are breasts her back.  Touch and kiss all around her breasts.  Don’t make a b-line for her nipples.  Everything in due time.  Kiss and caress under and around her breasts.  Gently touch, using your knowledge of how she responds to lead you.  Let her guide you without her consciously having to guide you.

If she’s lying on her front, then her back is where you are going to work.  Kiss your way down her back, paying attention to the area right under her butt.  This area called the gluteal fold is sensitive.

Genital Erogenous Zone

This is the obvious one.  This, like her breasts, you cannot just go at it.  Warm up!  The inside of the thighs, the labia, the clit are all there to play with.  Kiss them, touch them gently, lick them.  When you and your partner discussed this, she should have discussed this with you.  Pay attention to her reactions to what you are doing to guide you.  This is universal advice.

In summary, remember to watch your partner for cues as to how to please her.  Know the areas of her body that are more sensitive than others.  Learn what she likes, and do that.  Often.  Lots of these places you can touch in public without raising an eyebrow too.  Her shoulders, her wrists, the small of her back are all totally acceptable in mixed company.

If you have suggestions, changes, corrections, or ideas for topics, click the Contact Page link above!  Let us know!

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Communication and Warnings about Choking Safely

By now, you and your partner should know if this type of activity would be interesting to both of you.  As part of a BDSM relationship, you should have established a set of rules already.  For example, you should have a red/yellow/green system. Set boundaries for both you and submissive.  Here is a link to more of the BDSM information I’ve typed so far.

Set expectations with your submissive.   Choking is a huge leap of faith for your partner.  She will taken and submissive in a new way.  The act of holding her by the throat is a very dominant act.  According to this article, being choked releases dopamine.  It’s not for everyone.  57% of the respondents to their survey have no interest in being choked.  However, 32% have tried it and liked it.

As the dom, you need to understand your responsibility.  You can kill someone with pressure on their larynx in about a minute.  We will cover some basic techniques to avoid the dangers.

How it Feels During Sex

Being the dominant partner, when you safely choke your partner the feeling is intense.  It feels animalistic and powerful.  You are fucking her, and she’s submitted her life to you.  She’s completely submissive to you at this moment.  I know from experience that when she rolls her eyes back as you fuck her, it’s a powerful feeling.

For the submissive, it can take her to a new place.  Your hand will own her, sliding into her pussy, she will melt.  You can use a little neck-play in your foreplay.  When you are kissing her, slide your hand up her body and lightly grab her neck.  Squeeze, tease her.  Pull your hand away and touch her all over, randomly placing her hand on her neck.

The Proper way to Safely Choke Her

Erotic asphyxiation can be done many ways.  We are only discussing choking, but this article from healthline.com discusses several other methods.  When choking your partner, you need to be careful to avoid putting too much pressure on the larynx.  Put your hand so that you can reach both sides of her neck.  Your goal is to restrict blood flow to her brain.  You don’t want to restrict air flow, only blood flow.  You can see in the photo below where the arteries are that you need to constrict.  Using your thumb and forefinger, compress them to restrict their flow without pressing on her larynx.  This video talk about what I suggest, and calls it a “blood choke”.

When done correctly, there should be no evidence left behind.  No bruising, no bright red skin, only the happy glow of a post orgasm partner.

This causes several responses in your submissive:

Physiological

The oxygen level in her brain will be reduced.  This will make her feel light-headed and dizzy.  Releasing the pressure occasionally will give her a rush, and will flood her with the “feel good” hormones.

Psychological

Being controlled is a power play.  She is putting her trust in you allowing you to safely choke her as well.  All of this puts her in a submissive state.  This is called “subspace”.  Her being in subspace feels like an out of body experience for her.  Typically, the signs of subspace are incoherence, dizziness, and intensified feelings.

Physical

The rush of endorphins is a response the body has to “fight or flight”.  So, the flight or fight response will be confused with the rush or the orgasm and all the pleasure that comes along with that.

The Orgasm

When she reaches orgasm, she will typically cum very hard.  Every sensation is heightened when you are in a state of asphyxia.  We’ve discussed the responses to your choking that your submissive has.  Leading to a very intense orgasm.  Experiencing this is something you will both try to replicate every time you have sex.  As a dom, watching her orgasm that hard is intoxicating.  The incoherence, the loss of control she’s experiencing in a safe space, it’s an amazing thing to watch.

Knowing that you created that for her, that’s power.

As always, click the “Contact Page” link at the top of the page if you’d like to reach out and suggest a topic, or correct an existing one.  We would love to hear from you!

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Frequency

Sex Frequency is often posted about on advice forums that are sexually focussed.  When thinking about what is the right frequency and duration for sex is, we should discuss frequency first.  The posts are always about the high sex drive partner wanting more sex than the low sex drive partner.  A low sex drive can have several causes.  For example, low sex drive can be from a hormone issue, or a relationship problem, or stress in one or both of your lives.

Hormones

Hormones drive our lives.  They control our emotions, our hunger, and our sex drives.  The main driver for sex drive is testosterone.  Women and men both have testosterone.  A low level of testosterone will cause issues with your sex drive, but it can be remedied.  There are several methods available to fix someone with low-T, and the test is a simple blood draw.  Hormones are discussed in this post on my blog as well.

Relationship Issues

Relationship issues can cause stress on a couple which manifests in a lowered desire for sex.  All relationships have their difficulties, so we must learn to communicate effectively.  This blog has several posts about communication and learning to communicate.  Arguments that go unresolved tend to fester and create issues that worsen the longer we wait to communicate.  From health matters to attitude changes, simply talk about your issues.  So, it’s important to remember this as you progress in a relationship.

Outside Stress

So, outside the relationship there are a lot of things that can stress a couple.  Stress does not always come from within the relationship.  Work, family, weather, there are a lot of things that cause problems.  Talking to your partner about these things will help alleviate the stress.  But, because the stress is from outside the relationship, talking about the problem generally won’t fix the problem.  However, talking about it will help both partners deal with the issue themselves.

Duration

The duration of a sex session is another hot topic online.  There are polls that have been completed on the subject.  According to a healthline survey, several time limits were found for vaginal sex.  2 minutes was considered too short while 10 to 30 minutes was too long.  The survey found that 7 to 13 minutes was the ideal time for vaginal sex.

The survey asks about penetrative sex.  This doesn’t count foreplay, cuddling, prep time, or any of the other things that are part of a normal session.  I would guess that at LEAST 30 minutes is what most of us would consider normal for a quick session, and hours for a long session.  Sex is intimate, and sharing that intimacy shouldn’t have a time limit.

If you can think of anything that is missing or needs more attention on this or any post, please contact us using the contact us page!

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Sex is messy

Prepare for how messy sex can be. Think about the things you like to do during sex, and what you partner likes as well. For example, if your partner doesn’t swallow and you like blowjobs, have something ready to help her clean up. If you both like anal, which we know requires a lot of lube, have extra hand towels ready. Place the used or messy toys on a hand towel laid out on the bed. Lay a towel or a sex blanket under her before sex starts to keep the bed clean. Also, having baby wipes ready to clean up is a simple thing to do that will be appreciated.

Clean your partner after sex. It is an act of aftercare. But, don’t be bad at it. No one wants a UTI, and if you clean her poorly you could contribute to one. Never wipe back to front. Never clean her pussy with a wipe that’s been used anywhere else. Just grab a new wipe, and clean all round, including all the labial folds and around her clitoris.

Sex is fun

Toys

For some couples, toys are ubiquitous and will be present at every session. For others, they will make a rare appearance. So, have the toys in an organized place. For example, I’m working on finding an upright wardrobe travel chest to purpose into our toy chest. I plan on adding power to it. It will also have cut outs for each shape of the toy. Have the toys together keeps them organized, and makes gathering them up for the session so much easier.

Move the toys to the bed, or nightstand. Use a towel to put them on the bed. This not only keeps them together, but the towel will work to keep them from getting lost in the bed. Keep a clean hand towel on the bed as well for the used toys to be placed on. Being prepared for sex is not difficult, it just takes a bit of planning. Keep everything organized before sex means everything will go more smoothly during the session.

Equipment

Get your equipment ready before the session as well. It’s all part of being prepared for sex. When I speak of equipment, I am referring to things like blindfolds, wrist and ankle cuffs, a sex swing, under bed straps, basically anything that’s not a toy. Getting this ready and setup will make the session go so much smoother. When you use this type of equipment, keep in mind that there are things that need to be communicated in the dom/sub relationship discussed here.

Being Prepared for Sex

The key to all this is just being prepared for whatever you may want to do. Be ready for whatever you might reasonably expect during a session. Sex is messy, sex is fun, and being prepared for sex is sexy (at least according to my girl).

There are things that you can do outside the bed in the bedroom to make it more inviting. Here is a good article on Prague Post with some great ideas. Turn your bedroom into a place where you either sleep or have sex. Mentally, this will train your brain for sleep or sex in that room.

If you can think of anything to add, or a subject you want us to cover, please contact us through our contact us page!

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Cumming too quickly

Cumming too quickly can be disappointing for us men. I know it’s something that happens from time to time. If we haven’t had sex in a while, maybe a little drunk, it happens. It can have a thousand causes. The important thing is that we don’t let it stop the festivities.

A lot of the frustration comes from the fact that we think of ourselves as just our dick. We tend to think that this is the only part that can give our partners pleasure. I’m here to tell you, that is very wrong. Don’t forget, you have fingers, a mouth, and hopefully some toys lying around that can get her to her destination.

More than likely, your partner will see this as a huge compliment. I know my SO doesn’t like it when I hold myself back over and over again. Sometimes, we get so into our partners that we just can’t help it. The moans, the tightness, everything that constitutes sex can just overwhelm and suddenly the train has left the station. If you’ve been with your partner for any length of time, she’ll know it’s coming. Sometimes, she’ll even spur it on.

Not cumming at all

Not cumming at all can be a real pain. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but blue balls are a thing. On the rare occasion that this has happened, I know that my balls have hurt like they’ve been punched for quite some time. Plus, there’s a component that you might be frustrating your partner by making her think she’s not enough. You should communicate with her that it’s not her.

However, there’s a bright side to not being able to cum. Your partner gets to have your dick in her for as long as she needs to, and you get to be in her while she’s having her orgasm. Being able to feel her pussy contract and pulse around you and not be distracted by your own orgasm is amazing. Plus, there’s a great chance that you get bring a great round 2 because without a release, you’ll likely be good to go.

Cumming together

We all strive to cum together. But, as we have seen, there are times when it just doesn’t happen. The important thing is that we don’t stop or get frustrated at the situation. Communicate with your partner when something like this happens, and I think you’ll find that it’s not that big of a deal. We need to stop thinking of our sexuality is only our penis. Just like our partners, our whole body is sexual. When you can cum together, it’s really an amazing experience.

Hopefully this post helps with solutions to the issue of cumming too soon or not at all. If you think something wasn’t covered, or have an idea for a post, let me know using the contact information on the Contact Us page.

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So, once she’s naked, you should never stop touching her. I’m going to assume that this session is not a quickie. But, outside of that one caveat, my assumption is that you don’t have a time constraint. Momentum is your friend when you are building up to the actual fuck. Touch can and will build this before you even touch an erogenous zone.

 

Drag your fingers across her body. Bring your hands along her face and touch her ears and behind them. If you are into bondage, drag your fingers down her arms and let her play with your dick while you cuff her and lock her into the restraint. Be careful not to touch her in places that tickle her, that would ruin the momentum and foreplay we are building.

I’m assuming that you have communicated with your significant other about what you both expect. If not, you need to do that. Several posts about communication for details on that are at the link above.

Since you know what her likes and dislikes are, use that. Make sure you are following the details of what she discussed with you. Don’t touch the places she tells you she doesn’t like being touched at. Touching her is, in my opinion, the most important part of foreplay. Touching and talking.

I’ve talked about touching before, and ideas on how to do that in foreplay. Women don’t work like must us men do, ready to go at the drop of a hat. We have to warm them up, and get the motor running. Touching is a tool we can use to do this. Make her beg, dripping wet and ready for us. I cannot imagine having a dry pussy and trying to fuck. That just sounds painful for her!

We’ve talked about using your fingers. Now we should discuss other things we can touch them with to keep things interesting. Temperature play is something some couples venture into. Drag a piece of ice over her nipples, then gently suck on them. The temperature change is a turn on. Use things with different textures, like a feather tickler or a Wartenburg pinwheel to vary things. I’ve used a pizza wheel before, and a silicon basting brush too. Makeup brushes also give her a different stimulus as well.

Learning to touch and caress her is something we all need to learn to do. Sex is not a race, take your time. Never stop touching her once her skin is exposed. Foreplay is the beginning of the buildup for her, and is possibly more important than the sex itself. It can and does make or break the experience for her. You can see in the picture above, her lips are engorged and she’s clearly turned on. You can almost hear her moan from his touch.

The goal of every sex session or scene is mutual pleasure. Knowing how to get your partner there is, in my opinion, the most important part of the sex act in it’s totality. Meaning foreplay is THAT important. Sex is always fun, but sex with a partner that’s mad with desire and begging for your dick, that should be the goal every single time!

As always, please contact me if you have additions, find mistakes, or have an idea or question for a post! You can contact us at the contact us page!

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