Have read many articles and posts about CNC, sometimes it stems from trauma. If this is the case with your woman, make sure she’s really OK going into CNC. Know that even if there is no trauma, she will need aftercare. Now, lets talk about CNC itself.

Consensual non-consent is all about forcing yourself onto your partner. Some people refer to this as rape-play, but I prefer CNC. Rape-play has too many negative connotations, in my opinion. So, She wants you to force yourself onto her. This means when she says no, you keep going. She she squirms away, you pull her back. She tries to fight, and you pin her arms down and force her. Your mindset needs to be not to hurt her, but to please her by forcing her to do your bidding.

For me, this seems daunting. I don’t want to hurt my SO, but CNC would involve hurting her to some extent. With roughness that comes with CNC, some of this will happen. Bruises, red marks, things like that are bound (ha – a pun) to happen as the CNC progresses through the scene. Knowing this going in will help deal with the marks afterward.

The “non-consent” aspect of this arrangement means the dom needs to force the sub to perform. Consent was given previously by the sub, the dom needs to force the issue until a safe word or safe action is used. The sub wants this, and watching her body will be telltale to you that she’s into it even when she’s struggling. A CNC scene can be elaborate if the couple desires. He can dress as an actual attacker. After she falls asleep he can sneak in and wake her in the attack. It’s up to the couple to decide on the realism and spontaneity of the scene.

Another important note about CNC is that for rape victims it can be therapeutic. The rape victim will be able to start associating something pleasurable with the experience. The important aspect of CNC is that the dom respect her limits. Making sure she has control of the events (vagina may be OK, anal may not) will help associate control with the event. The scene needs to be totally controlled by the sub. If the dom cannot respect this, or makes the sub feel disrespected, then the scene should stop.

As you think about this essential advice for CNC in your bedroom and you have questions, check out our Contact Page and shoot us a message. We’d love to hear from you!

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The key question today is about consent. Are you being given consent or taking it? After describing a BDSM scene with sex, she talks about loving it, but only in the heat of the moment. So, realizing this, she’s coming to terms with here past and her present. Some of the things she discusses are things that would break anyone’s trust. For example, he didn’t listen to her about her own orgasms and continued to use lube she told him she was allergic to. Also, he would require that she tell him he’s the biggest and the best she’s ever been with. All of these things are clearly red flags!

So, how do we get over this? BDSM is fun, I enjoy it with my SO. While we do enjoy rougher sex, it doesn’t mean it’s abuse. She give me her consent, I do not take it. Earning her trust and consent is one of the sexiest things she can give me.

Guilt in pleasure is something no one wants to have to deal with. So, we need to find ways to deal with our past while not feeling guilty about things that make us feel good. With that in mind, talking to your partner is the best place to start.

When I discuss consent, I’m always talking about informed consent. Informed consent is knowing that both partners understand what all the terms and actions mean. Consent is given only after both parties are satisfied that both parties are informed and understand.

If this has happened to your partner, there are things that you can do to help her feel safe and free to feel good. For example, asking her permission before sex even starts to try a few things. Want to choke her, toss her around, us a finger in her ass while you fuck her, ask before sex. Consent is sexy, and so is verbalizing the things you want to do to her. Trust me men, this will be very sexy for her. But more than that, it puts the control in her hands. She’s going to be able to enjoy the sex with you because your desire to get her permission and your desire to to those things to her are hot.

This bring us to aftercare. Getting permission before is sexy, but so is aftercare. Read the linked post for more information if you’d like. But the gist of the post is that you need to help your submissive after sex as they come out of their subspace.

As always, if you have questions, check out our Contact Page and shoot us a message. We’d love to hear from you!

The post Are You Being Given Her Consent or Taking it? appeared first on Men's Sex Advice.