Before using any new toys, be sure to familiarize yourself with the controls and how to use the toy.  Fumbling for “how to” in the heat of the moment can ruin the mood.  Be prepared and get to know the toy.  Turn it on, play with the speed controls, be able to control it without thinking about it and getting out of the moment with your partner!

Pulsing Clitoral Stimulators

This type of toy comes from several different brands, but the functions are basically the same.  They really hit the scene in the early 2010’s, according to Biird. They have a small, clit sized opening on them, behind which is a membrane that moves in and out.  This motion creates a suction with intensity and frequency that is typically adjustable.

Playing with these toys to familiarize yourself with them is very important.  These toys have controls that can be difficult to operate in the heat of the moment.  So, you need to know how to operate the toy without thinking too hard about it.  Turn it on, place your finger over the end.  Feel the pulsing on your finger.  Turn the toy up and feel how fast and how firmly it sucks.

Once you place the clitoral stimulator on the clit, your partner should let you know how it feels.  Communicate about faster or slower, and what she likes as you play with the toy on her clit.  Your partner should guiding the intensity.

One of the nice things about this type of toy is that you can fuck while your partner stimulates her clit with the toy.  It’s great for foreplay too!  It’s a great, fun suction toy!

Pussy Pumps

Pussy pumps are another example of a fun suction toy.  These differ from the clitoral stimulators in that they suction on the entire pussy.  Typically, they have a cup that covers the entire labia and clitoral hood.  The purpose is to engorge the vaginal area with blood to increase sensitivity and pleasure.

While pusys pumps are fun suction toys, caution should be used.  You can suction too hard, causing a distension.  Distention is where the inside comes outside.  The goal is for the area to be engorged with blood, not bruised and pulling the insides out.

Because the toy covers the clitoris, it will engorge that as well.  This will increase the pleasure for your partner.

Your Mouth

This is probably the most fun.  Cunnilingus should always have an element of sucking involved.  Using your mouth to suck on your partners pussy is amazing.  There’s a whole post on cunnilingus, so we won’t go over it again.  But adding suction to the clitoris adds a new dimension of pleasure for your partner.  The intimacy of using your mouth to do it only adds to the heat of the moment.  Of all the fun suction toys, the mouth is the most fun.

Conclusion

No matter what toy you try and add to your sex life, communication with your partner is the best way to get the most out of the toys.  Using a clitoral stimulator, pussy pump, or your mouth, you have to communicate with your partner.

If you have anything you’d like to add, contact us at the “Contact Page” link above!

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Power exchange and free use are two concepts that can be a significant part of a consensual, healthy BDSM dynamic. Power exchange refers to the exchange of power between two individuals in a sexual relationship.  Free use involves one partner being available for sexual use at any time. However, it is important to approach these concepts with caution and care to ensure that all parties involved are comfortable and consenting.

Power Exchange

Power exchange is a fundamental aspect of many BDSM relationships.  Typically, one partner takes on a dominant role and the other a submissive role.  This exchange of power can be physical, emotional, or both. It can also involve a wide range of activities such as bondage, discipline, and dominance/submission. The dominant partner may give commands, set rules, and make decisions.  The submissive partner may be expected to follow those commands and rules, often resulting in feelings of vulnerability and submission.

Consent and communication are crucial in any power exchange dynamic. Both partners should discuss their desires, boundaries, and expectations before engaging in any BDSM activities. The submissive partner should be aware of the potential risks involved and must have the ability to revoke their consent at any time. Additionally, the dominant partner should always prioritize the well-being and safety of the submissive partner, and should avoid pushing boundaries without clear and enthusiastic consent.

Free Use

Free use is a concept that involves one partner being available for sexual use at any time, without the need for negotiation or explicit consent. This concept can be a part of a power exchange dynamic, but it can also exist independently of it. The partner who is designated for free use may wear clothing or symbols that indicate their availability.  Depending on boundaries, the free use partner may expected to perform sexual acts on demand.

While free use can be a consensual and enjoyable part of a sexual relationship, it is important to approach it with care and caution. Because of this, consent must be ongoing and informed.  The partner who is designated for free use should have the ability to revoke their consent at any time. Additionally, communication is crucial, and partners should discuss their boundaries and expectations before engaging in any free use activities. It is also important to note that free use should never involve non-consensual or non-negotiated sexual activity, as this would constitute sexual assault.

Combining Power Exchange and Free Use

Combining power exchange and free use can be a complex and nuanced aspect of BDSM relationships. It requires a high level of communication, trust, and consent between all parties involved. Power exchange can involve the dominant partner designating the submissive partner for free use.  Or, it can involve the submissive partner offering themselves for free use as a sign of submission.

Regardless of how power exchange and free use are combined, it is important to prioritize the safety and well-being of all parties involved. Consent must be ongoing and informed, and communication should be open and honest. Boundaries should be clearly established and respected, and partners should have the ability to revoke their consent at any time.

Conclusion:

In conclusion, power exchange and free use can be a significant part of a consensual, healthy BDSM dynamic. Power exchange involves the exchange of power between two individuals in a sexual relationship.  Free use involves one partner being available for sexual use at any time. Combining these concepts can be complex and nuanced.  It requires a high level of communication, trust, and consent between all parties involved. It is crucial to approach these concepts with care and caution, and to prioritize the safety and well-being of all partners involved. Consent, communication, and boundaries are crucial in any power exchange or free use dynamic. Boundaries should be respected at all times by all parties involved.

As always, don’t hesitate to reach out through the contact page.

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Consent in a BDSM relationship

Consent is a crucial aspect of any sexual encounter.  This is especially true in the BDSM community, where power dynamics and role-play are central to the experience. BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline/Dominance, Submission/Sadism, and Masochism.  It encompasses a wide range of activities and practices that involve consensual exploration of power, control, and sensation. In order for these activities to be safe and enjoyable for all parties involved, clear and enthusiastic consent is paramount.

Consent is the act of freely and willingly agreeing to participate in a sexual activity.  As a result, all parties involved must be of legal age, have the capacity to make informed decisions, and be able to clearly communicate their desires and boundaries. In the BDSM community, consent is even more important due to the nature of the activities involved. Bondage, spanking, flogging, and other BDSM practices can cause physical and emotional pain.  It is crucial that all parties involved are aware of the potential risks and agree to them willingly.

Safe, Sane, Consensual

One of the key principles of BDSM is the concept of SSC, which stands for Safe, Sane, and Consensual. This means that all activities should be done in a way that is physically and emotionally safe for everyone involved.  That is done in a sane and sober state of mind, and that is done with the enthusiastic and ongoing consent of all parties involved. SSC is a cornerstone of the BDSM community and is often used as a way to ensure that all activities are done in a way that is both pleasurable and safe.

In order for consent to be truly meaningful, it must be informed and ongoing. This means that all parties involved must be fully aware of what they are consenting to and have the ability to revoke their consent at any time. In BDSM, this often involves negotiation before a scene, where all parties involved discuss their desires, limits, and boundaries. Negotiation can also involve discussing the use of safewords.  Safewords are pre-agreed upon words or phrases that can be used to stop an activity if it becomes too intense or uncomfortable.

Aftercare and consent

Consent is also important in the aftermath of a scene. Aftercare is a term used in the BDSM community to describe the care and attention given to participants after a scene to help them recover physically and emotionally. This can involve physical acts such as cuddling, drinking water, or applying ice, as well as emotional support such as reassurance or validation. Aftercare is an important aspect of BDSM play.  It helps to ensure that all parties involved feel safe, cared for, and respected.

The importance of consent in the BDSM community cannot be overstated. BDSM activities can involve a high level of trust, vulnerability, and risk, and it is crucial that all parties involved are fully aware of what they are consenting to and have the ability to revoke their consent at any time. Consent is a fundamental aspect of the SSC principle, and is key to ensuring that BDSM activities are safe, sane, and consensual.

Unfortunately, there have been cases where consent has been violated in the BDSM community.  This can take many forms, including coercion, manipulation, or outright disregard for a person’s boundaries and desires. Note that any violation of consent is not acceptable, and goes against the principles of the BDSM community. In cases where consent is violated, it is important for the community to hold individuals accountable and take steps to ensure that all activities are done in a way that is safe, respectful, and consensual.

Conclusion

Consent is a vital aspect of the BDSM community. It is important that all parties involved are fully informed, willing, and able to participate in all activities. In addition, consent should be ongoing and can be negotiated before, during, and after a scene. The SSC principle underscores the importance of consent.  The community should always strive to make sure consent is given and ongoing for all parties involved in the scene.

Rewriting the rules has a good article on this here.  Other BDSM articles can be found tagged to the right, or you can click here for a direct link to everything tagged with BDSM.

As always, don’t hesitate to reach out through the contact page.

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Where to Place the Hidden Hanging Mount

Make some decisions as to what you want to do with the hook before you investigate where you want it.  Do you need 360 degree access to the submissive?  Will the equipment and the submissive and you fit where you want to be when you install the equipment?  Will you be laying down or doing anything horizontal, like a sex swing, that needs room to move?  We suggest that you make more room for play than you think you’ll need.

Once you’ve decided how much space you need, you will need to find a place where the ceiling is accessible and has enough room.  Preferably without moving a lot of furniture.  Use marking tape to mark the space on the floor.  This will give you and idea of how much space you’ve decided is enough, and then find roughly the center.  Then we’ll need to start building!

How to Build a Hidden Hanging Mount

For Rooms with Accessible Attic Space

Now that we know where we want the hook, drill a hole small enough for a wire hanger to poke through.  Straighten one out, and push it through the hole.  If you got lucky and hit a joist, that’s awesome!  Assuming you didn’t, the hanger is to make the hole easier to find when you get into the attic.  Go into the attic, and find the hanger sticking up.  Bring a tape measure, and a flashlight.  Look for the space between the joists where the hole is and you can access the area perpendicular to the joists.  The goal is to build a platform that you can hang several times your weight off of, across multiple joists (at least 2).

There are several ways to get this done.  Some designs use steel channel bolted across the top of several beams with a long bolt hanging down.  Some designs use 2 by 8 or 2 by 10 boards cut to fit between the joists.  Using wood is the easier and generally less costly.  Cut the boards to fit the space between the joists.  Screw at least 2 together so they stack and fit snug (stacked like pancakes).  Take the stack into the attic and use high quality screws to screw the stack into place through the joists, against the top of the sheetrock, centered over the hole from the hanger.

For rooms without Accessible Attic Space

The most difficult step is going to be finding a joist.  Using a stud finder is going to be the easiest method, or simply knocking on the ceiling and listening for the more solid “thump”.  Once you find the joist, you will just need to cut the sheetrock away to reveal the bottom of the joist.  The floor above you will help spread the load between joists, but you need to be careful that you don’t split the joist when you install the mount point.  If this happens, DO NOT use that spot, you will have to move, it will not be safe.

For both room types

Go back into the bedroom and using the small hole as a guide, enlarge the hole large enough to fit your mount, but not exceeding that size.  You can use a drill or just cut the sheetrock with a utility knife as well.  From here, install the hook of your choice.  Finding a hook or mount that will be quiet might be important to you, as well as one that will move and spin.  This swing hook from amazon is a good example of one.

Hiding the Hanging Mount

Now that the hole is there and the mount point is secure, go buy a good size, the deeper the better, smoke detector.  Don’t spend a lot of money because you are going to gut the unit.  Cut the mounting plate so that the mounting point fits through it cleanly.  Follow the instructions to mount the detector.  This smoke detector from amazon is a good, deep one that will hide well and removes from the base easily.

When you want to play, take the cover off and have a blast!  Then when you are done, put the toys away and slip the cover back on and no one will give that thing a second glance!

What to do with the Hidden Hanging Mount!

Now that it’s installed, you can use your imagination with it!  Get some chain and some wrist restraints and have her stand there and toy with her body.  Get a sex swing (there’s so many kinds!) and you can take turns in it with her pleasing you and you pleasing her.  Use the chain and a weight rated carabiner to mount a spreader bar to hold her in different positions.  Some of the positions invite pain, some invite a mix of pleasure and pain.

Having your sub restrained with cuffs to the ceiling is a good time to introduce some impact play (assuming you have discussed this!).  Play with some household stuff, then spend a little bit of money on Etsy for some nicer things you can customize.

It would be impossible to list all the things you can do with a ceiling mount.  Some people find that one simply isn’t enough and install a second one!  The important thing is that it’s safe, and consensual as always!

Conclusions

If there is anything you’d like to add or ask about this post (or any) please use the contact link above and go to the contact page.

The plan is to include some DIY things for some light to moderate BDSM.  Some of it is from experience, some will be pulled and edited/editorialized from online sources.  None of the advice given should be taken as gospel, and you do anything you do at your own risk.  Overbuild everything.  This post on tumbex.com is a mirror of an old tumblr post with photos for those that need that!

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How to Talk About Sex

Talking about sex means you have to open up and be vulnerable.  That is a scary thing.  But when you talk about sex, it’s very healthy for your relationship.  You need to be prepared to hear things you might not like to hear.  Look for things to change to make sex better.

Talking about sex is difficult because it’s a sensitive subject.  We will talk about hurting feelings later.  Have a list of things you like and dislike, and be prepared to discuss what you like about each thing.  Actually have a list.  This conversation will wander around and will very likely get sidetracked.  So, having a list will help you discuss everything you want to talk about.  On this list, have specific things listed.  For example, don’t just say “I like missionary” but say “I like missionary because I can watch you cum and play with your clit”.  Be specific.

When you discuss the things you like and dislike, it’s important to keep in mind the positive versus negative outlook discussed above.  Listen and watch for your partners reaction.  If you are into ageplay and your partner is clearly uncomfortable with it, then don’t push.  If they seem open to it, that’s OK too.

When you talk about sex, bring up things you like and things you don’t.  Talk about what you want to try and what turns you on.  Bringing up things you have always wanted to try is hot and shows trust.

When and Where to Talk About Sex

When and where to talk about sex can be tricky.  Most things should be discussed outside the bedroom, not during sex.  Think of it like that because you don’t want pressure during the sex session, and you don’t want the emotional aspect of the discussion to ruin the moment.  It’s OK that some things are hard to talk about.  That’s a good sign, some discomfort is usually a sign of growth and stretching your boundaries.

Outside the Bedroom

One of the most productive places to talk about sex is outside the bedroom.  Places like a quiet dinner or lunch, a drive, or a walk are all great places to talk about your sex life.

Wherever you are comfortable and together, in a place where conversation flows easily, sex can be brought up and discussed without any performance pressures to go along with the conversation.  Over a meal is a great place to talk about sex.  It sounds silly, but it’s a great place.  If you are at home, you can each pull out your lists and just start talking!  Each new thing will spark discussions, you’ll learn each other’s boundaries and know what they like (and don’t) that you are currently doing.

Inside The Bedroom

If you are comfortable talking about sex during the act, that is awesome.  Asking what she likes while you are in the act can really get some detail notes for you to remember.  For example, during cunninglingus, asking if it feels better to lick on the right or left side of the clirotal hood is a detail you can learn.  Nina Hartley talks about this in her book “Nina Hartley’s Guide Total Sex“.  Most women prefer a side, which side does your partner prefer?

If you aren’t comfortable talking during sex you can still talk about it in the bedroom!  Just be prepared for things to possibly lead to trying out some of the things you are discussing.  That would be a fun ending to a good talk.

Talk about Sex without Hurting Feelings

Talking about sex is difficult because it’s a sensitive subject.   Each person needs to be prepared to hear things that you might not like to hear.  But, you need to get clarification on things that you aren’t clear about.  Your feelings may get hurt.  She may tell you that she doesn’t like when you do something you thought she liked quite a bit.

Your partner is trusting you that you will have a discussion about things.  It’s important to listen with an open mind.  Sometimes phrasing will make all the difference.  Phrasing things with a positive connotation is always better than saying things with a negative spin.  For example, “I prefer when you lick here” is better than “Don’t lick there”.  One has a negative connotation and one does not, but even if you hear something that sounds negative know that it’s still OK to hear it.  Sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable for both partners.  Talking about it and not getting defensive is difficult, but worth it!

Conclusion

The outcome from talking about sex with your partner is that you will communicate better, and should lead to better sex as well.  There might be a hurdle between some bruised feelings to the better sex, but bruises heal and better sex is repeatable!

The goal of talking about sex is to open up more.  Seeing the number of people posting questions online where the answer is “Talk to your partner” is more than can be counted!  I understand it’s not something people come by easily, putting yourself out there is placing a lot of trust in your partner.   It’s a great way to build on a relationship!

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Anatomy

There’s a whole post about female that I hope you’ve read already.  Women are much more than just their pussy, we all know this.  We need to understand the anatomy of what we are doing before we get into the event itself.  Understanding where things are will help you please your partner.  Knowing why she feels the things she does will help you make her feel amazing.  So, learn the anatomy.  Learn where the clitorus is and where it goes inside her body.

Paying Attention to Her Responses

You have to pay attention to her responses to your inputs.  Make sure that you’ve communicated before sex about what you like and don’t like.  Then pay attention.  You have to understand it takes build up.  Turn her brain on then you can play with her body.  She will respond to your touches and you should know her reactions, good or bad.  Also remember evokes a negative response in the beginning might evoke a much different reaction once the action heats up.

Heating Things Up

Just like you, your partner doesn’t have a “switch” to be turned on, it’s a process.  She needs to be warmed up.  So when you start, be gently.  Kiss and caress all over.  Tell her how beautiful she is.  touch her chest (not just her breasts).  There are other posts about warming up and how to “get her started”, but it’s important to remember.

Once she’s going a little, kiss her pussy.  Right on the lips.  Lick from bottom to top, paying attention GENTLY to the tip of the clitoris.  Use your lips, not your tongue (except to keep your lips wet).  Rub her lips with yours.  Then start using your tongue both in and on her pussy and tip of her clitoris.  Once you are really going, add your fingers and help her climax!

Using Your Lips

As stated above, using your lips is good in the beginning.  It’s important to know that in general, most women do not want a lot of direct simulation on the tip of their clitoris in the beginning.  It is too much.  So, be gently, using your lips on her lips.  Then, as she gets more turned on you can be more aggressive.  Your lips should be slick and slide around, but you can also suck on her lips some, kiss all over.  Build her up then pull back, kiss her inner thighs, take a minute to appreciate the view from time to time.  Then dive back in to the job at hand!

Your lips should be used the whole time (along with your tongue).  Sucking on her lips and the tip of her clit will feel good to her.  You can build up the aggressiveness as she gets more turned on.  Just pay attention to how she’s reacting to your inputs.  She should be making it clear if it’s not working for her.

Adding Your Fingers

Anatomy rears its head again.  Knowing your partner’s anatomy is important, as is knowing what she likes and dislikes.  Some general things to remember are start gentle, let her lead the aggressiveness that you play with her with.  Play with the outside of her labia with enough pressure that you are gently moving her clitorus (using your fingers to squeeze her outer labia and move them up and down making sure everything is lubricated where you are touching).  Practice playing with her pussy, enjoy the time and pay attention.  Be intentional with your actions here.

Penetrate gently with the intention to augment your oral work, not to bring her to climax.  Know where to press for maximum effect but remember to pull back.

Time for the Lips and Tongue

Lick her pussy.  Savor the taste, the texture.  The way her skin feels smooth and inviting.  Feel her body respond to finally feeling your tongue on her skin.  Kiss her labia and the outer-labia skin.  Work your way toward her vaginal opening and her clit.  Be gentle.  Tease her.  Flatten your tongue and lick her slowly from the bottom of her vaginal opening to her clit, letting each part of your tongue touch her clit.

The licking continues, but add sucking on her labia and clitorus (gentle, let her guide you!).  Focus more and more on her clit.  Use your fingers at her guidance, some women like internal and external stimulation, some only like it for part of the ride.

The Orgasm

Now it’s time to focus.  Really work her clit.  Use your tongue, suck with her guidance (and remember her guidance for next time).  From what I’ve read and in my experience, most women are 11:00 or 1:00 women.  That means they have a preferred “side” of the clitorus to stimulate at your 11 or 1 o’clock.  But don’t focus only there, work around it, suck on it, lick it all over with varying and increasing pressure.

Sucking on her clit as though it’s a tiny penis head as you eat her pussy also feels amazing.  Feeling her clit expand under the negative pressure in your mouth s you eat her pussy feels so good.  The slickness of the skin, the taste of all her juices as she gets more excited is intoxicating.  Her body should be responding all over now, hands grabbing or opening and closing.  Her back arching off the bed.  She might even be moving her pussy around as your mouth “chases” it.

As the orgasm hits her, it’s similar to when you are getting a blowjob and your head gets too sensitive to continue, that’s what it feels like to her if you continue stimulating.  So lay off when she makes it clear that it’s too much.

Decision Time

Some women like to ride this orgasm wave.  Do not touch her clit or her pussy until it’s clear to you that it’s OK.  It might be 90 seconds, it’ might be 30 minutes.  She might want a gentle fuck, she might want you to immediately fuck her like you own her as she’s cumming.

Now that you’ve given her the orgasm she so richly deserves, she’s going to have a tough time talking.  You should know your relationship well enough to know your partner’s body language.  Using this, you should know when to move on to fucking her.  But that’s not part of this post….

Conclusion

Now that you have some guidelines on how to eat her pussy until she can’t talk, using this to bring her to some of the best orgasms she’s ever had should be a little, or a lot, easier.  As always, if you have a comment or question, please let me know using the contact page link above!  For some further reading, the article on Thought Catalog is something that I agree with.

Caveats and a Word of Warning

There is one thing to make sure you do.  If your partner says “like that” as you eat her pussy, you are going to feel the urge to speed up, apply more pressure, change something.  Please, do not do this.  Just don’t.  Your partner is communicating that she’s close and loves what’s happening.  Changing it resets her orgasm meter.

This is not intended to be the last article written about this for this site.  The plan is to write a few articles that work on different part of the act.  This advice is not intended to be universal and not all women can or will be satisfied by the techniques described below.

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Skin

Skin is a sex organ.  Feeling the touch of your partner as they drag their fingers over you.  Sensing their breath on you as they move their mouth closer.  Knowing their tongue is tasting your body.  Flushing with blood as your partner’s touch, feeling the warmth of their body against yours.  Sensual massage from your partner is a great way to be sensual with your body.

Anus

Yes, the anus is a sexual organ. There are a lot of nerve endings in the anus.  Penetration is not necessary, simply pressing on the anus during foreplay feels pleasurable.  Rimming (the act of orally stimulating your partner’s anus which can lead to analingus) is putting pressure on your anus with their tongue.  Penetration can feel good too, just follow the same rules we’ve talked about when we discussed anal sex.  Go slow, use lots of lube, relax.  This leads us to the prostate!

Prostate

The prostate is inside your body.  You can see on this post where it is.  The prostate can be stimulated from the outside as well.  Have your partner press on the outside of your body between your legs, near your anus.  If you press firmly in that area, you’ll feel pleasure inside.  Allowing your partner to insert their finger and provide direct pressure can give you out of this world pleasure.  There is a stigma around this because it’s anal pleasure, which is ridiculous.

Fingers

We all know our fingers are sex organs.  Playing with your partner, fingering, grabbing, holding, restraining, all the wonderful things our fingers can do.  And I didn’t even list penetrating.  Fingering both yourself or your partner is a talent to admire.  Using your fingers and hands is so important because your penis might not always work.  Being able to please your partner with your mouth or hands can get your partner there when your penis simply can’t.

Mouth

Using your mouth on your partner is also more than cunnilingus.  Stimulating your partner’s body everywhere you like to be stimulated.  Kissing literally anywhere.  Being kissed on your neck or kissing her neck.  Learning how to eat pussy well is an artform, and we’ve covered this in other posts.  Being good at cunnilingus and truly enjoying it can overcome a lot of other sexual issues.  Partner’s always enjoy a great oral session, from both sides.  My advice is to be so good at eating pussy, you partner might not even realize you haven’t fucked her yet.

Brain

This is the biggest sex organ for any human.  Think about it.  Everything we do with every part of our body during a sex session is to please us, our brain.  There’s a great story on bigthink.com about the brain and sex.  It talks about dirty talk, the pleasure centers, and a little bit of the physiological parts of the act of sex and the differences in male and female brains.  Let’s be serious though, the brain drives our sexual desires.  It makes us do the things we do.  It settles and judges all our decisions as to why it’s OK for some people to have a threesome but others find it completely insane, and everything in between!

More Than Our Penis

This is just the proverbial tip of the iceberg, but knowing that we are more than just a penis is important.  Just like everything we do on this site, it’s important because it’s wrong for us to think we are simply a dick.  Women aren’t expected to just be a pussy in bed, their whole body is sexualized (and to be clear, I’m not saying that is OK all the time, but in a sexual setting it IS OK).  Just like women, we have lots of ways to please our partner and multiple ways to be pleased!  There’s not shame in wanting and getting more from your sex life.  In this regard, it’s imperative in my opinion.

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Relaxing

Relaxing for a blowjob means being comfortable.  Find a spot that’s not only comfortable for you, but for your partner as well.  If you are comfortable on a chair, make sure your partner has a blanket to kneel on or sit on.  When you receive a blowjob on the bed, that means making room for your partner as well as yourself.  Just make sure you are both comfortable for the duration of the blowjob.

Preparing to be Pleased

This one sounds funny.  A great blowjob means you need to be preparing to be the center of attention.  For me, this is the hardest part.  You have to be ready to just receive pleasure without any effort on your part.  Your partner is there to give you pleasure.  They are going to be focussing on you and your pleasure.  This is an act of giving on their part, so you should be receiving with the intent of you pleasure.  So, t would be insulting to the giver to not be receptive.

Blowjobs are a selfless thing to do for the giver (although my partner would disagree).

Communicating Your Desires

Communicating your desires, likes, and dislikes during a blowjob is important.  There is no universal technique that everyone likes to receive.  So, knowing what you like is important.  Also, you could have a partner that likes to experiment with you to figure it out!  Think about pressure, like how much pressure do you like on your head or your partner’s hand on the shaft.  Do you like it when your partner plays with or sucks gently on your balls?  There are a lot of things to think about.

It is not just technique.  Think about the acts that you like or that your partner might like to try on you.  Do you want to be in their mouth the whole time?  Where do you want to cum?  Don’t forget to warn your partner before you cum because they will have a preference as well.

Communication is a two way street.  Find out if there are things your partner wants to do.  Do they want to rim you while playing with your dick, or give you some manual prostate stimulation?  These are the things you should talk about.  Hopefully, this will spur other conversations.  Be open, talk about things you have wanted to feel and let your partner express things they have wanted to try.

There are a lot of videos about it but here is a short one, and here is a course on Masterclass about this as well.

Ready for a Good Time!

Once you are ready a great blowjob, put all this prep into action!  Relax, get comfortable, and let your partner get to work pleasing you.  Let your partner put your conversation to work, putting the perfect pressure on your head.  Working your shaft just right.  Bringing you to edge and pushing you back until you can’t take it anymore.  Then, warning your partner (if that is what you decided on) and releasing your orgasm.

Conclusion

A great blowjob isn’t difficult, it just takes a bit of effort from the participants.  If you have any thoughts about the website or want to add or correct something, please use the contact us page!

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How Orgasms Feel

You should be able to tell when your partner has an orgasm.  In general, if she doesn’t know or isn’t sure, then it likely didn’t happen.  I realize I might catch shit for saying that, but in my experience, if your partner can’t tell it hasn’t happened.  When your partner has a good orgasm, her pussy with tighten and pulse around your dick.  She might vocalize and shut her eyes.  Some women are squirters as well.

Orgasmic Reactions

Orgasmic reactions can be really strong.  We need to learn how to react to her orgasmic reactions.  Laughing, crying, shaking and shuddering are all things that can happen.  If you aren’t prepared for it, they can be shocking.  It’s always a surprise when everything is euphoric, and suddenly your partner is crying.  Expecting a strong reaction will help you be ready, even if there’s not one.  The orgasmic reactions like laughing can be such a surprise that it might stop your ability to climax.  The Guardian has a story about that exact situation.

Crying during an orgasm has a name, it’s called “crymaxing”.  Knowing WHY your partner is crying should help alleviate any concerns it may cause.  PubMed has a study where all these reactions are called “peri-orgasmic phenomena”.  It’s from the cascade of hormones that the brain produces.  Flooding with dopamine and oxytocin.  There’s a whole reddit thread about some women relaying that it happens to them regularly.

Orgasmic reactions can cause shuddering, stiffening of her entire body, loss of control of her bladder, inability to speak or walk.  It’s fun to learn about these things with your partner if she doesn’t know.

How to React to her Orgasmic Reactions

In the reddit post listed above, you can read about a variety of women having crymax orgasms.  You should read your partner and see what they want you to do.  Aftercare is something we’ve discussed before here.  You should ask your partner what she wants, and hopefully she knows how she’s going to react to her orgasm.  That should help guide you to your reaction to her orgasmic reaction.

If she’s not able to anticipate her reaction to her orgasm, you need to be ready with some ideas.  Lie down next to her and hold her, put a hand on her to remind her you are there, or just lie there and gently touch.  Every woman will have a different need during this time, so you need to pay attention to her reactions to what you are trying.

Conclusion

In the end, it’s all about being there for your partner.  So, anticipate, be prepared, and have fun!  As always, if there’s something that you want to let us know, use the Contact page to get ahold of us!

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Abbreviations

Starting with the simple stuff, ‘M’ is male and ‘F’ is female.  So, my relationship is ‘MF’.  Some Abbreviations are very well know, for example ‘BJ’ for blowjob, or ’69’ where one person lies on the other to they can mutually please each other orally.  The best way to approach this information is probably just a simple list.  Some abbreviations describe partner order and some describe acts or relationship dynamics.  Using abbreviations and terms about sex correctly will be easier once you learn some basics!

Partners and Order

When abbreviating with more than 2, order matters.

MFM – Male, Female, Male where the 2 males aren’t expected (but can) interact with each other but they are there to please the woman.

MMF – Male, Male, Female where the male in the middle is being pleased by the other male and the female.

FMF – Female, Male, Female where the male is pleased by the 2 females, but they are not expected (but can) interact with each other.

FFM – Female, Female, Male, the female in the middle is being pleased by the other female and male, but they are no expected (but can) interact with each other.

FMMMM[to any number of ‘M’] – is an orgy with one female and many males.  The dynamics can be whatever the group decides, multiple the female at once, or one at a time.

MFFFF[to any number of ‘F’] – is an orgy with one male and many females.  As with the orgy/group above, the dynamic can be whatever the group decides.

MFMF – This is shorthand for 2 couples having sex.  There are situations where the couples are simply having sex with another couple in the room.  This in contrast to a situation where the couples are fully interacts and any partner can do anything with anyone in the room.  Of course, anything in between.

Acts or Relationship Dynamics

Using abbreviations and terms about sex correctly starts simple when it comes to describing acts and relationships.

BJ – blowjob.  Some think that BJ ends there, but there’s BBBJ (Bare Back BlowJob – no condom).  BBBJC (Bare Back BlowJob to Completion).  BBBJWF (Bare Back BlowJob with Facial).

69 – laying in a position to please each other orally.  This can be MM, MF, or FF.  Everyone typically thinks of this as her on top, but you can comfortably do this with both of you lying on your side as well.

BDSM – This has some variations as to what it stands for, but typically it’s Bondage, Discipline, Submission, and Masochism.  This is typically part of a Dom/Sub relationship.

ATM – Ass to mouth.  This is when you are fucking your partner in the ass, and then they give you oral sex.

MILF/DILF – Mom/Dad I’d Like to Fuck.  A hot mom or dad you want to fuck.  So, Stacey’s mom.

CIM – Cum in mouth.  Doesn’t always have to start with a blowjob, can be during any sex act.  And may include ATM.

HJ – HandJob.  When your partner masturbates you

JOI – Jack Off Instruction. A partner gives masturbnation instructions to the other partner.

BBW – Big, Beautiful Woman.  Internet or dating slang for a larger girl.

BLS – Ball Licking and Sucking

DD/lg – A sexual relationship where the male is a Daddy Dom and the female partner is pretends to be a little girl.

DP – Double Penetration.  Does not have to include a third person.  The second penetration can be a toy.

DSL – Dick Sucking Lips.  Shorthand for a pair of lips that look like they facilitate good blowjobs.

GFE – Girlfriend Experience.  A paid for experience where the client pays someone to pretend to be their girlfriend.

ONS – One Night Stand.  Just as it’s described.

CNC – Consensual Non-Consent – this is a situation where one person has given their partner permission to continue sexaul activity through protests and saying no.  Please note, this should be done with a safe word and safe action.  More about CNC is here.

XOXO – Hugs and Kisses

SO – Significant Other.  Personal opinion, this is a person that’s more than a girl/boy friend, but not fiance yet.

STD – Sexually Transmitted Disease – any of the many diseases you can catch sexually.

Terms

Some abbreviations and terms are pretty obvious, but as with all the other sections of this post isn’t intended to be comprehensive.  But it’s intended to be a list of commonly used abbreviations and terms.

Watersports, also called a Golden Shower – Sexual acts involving urine/pee.  From peeing on each other, to ingesting the urine of your partner.

Working Girl, Escort – Prostitute

Enhancements – Breast or butt implants, lip injections, basically shorthand for any plastic surgery.

Around the World – Analingus and a fellatio

Crime Scene Action – sex during her period, also referred to as earning your redwings (if you perform cunninglingus on her period).

Deep Throat – swallowing the entire length of the penis, completely down to the base.

Doggie Style – sex with her on her knees and arms, and the man behind her, fucking her from behind.

Greek – Anal sex.

Little Blue Helper/Pill – Viagra, generic is called Sidenafil

Missionary – Woman on her back, man on top sex

Nooner – sex during lunch time

Afternoon Delight – sex in the afternoon

Pop – shorthand for a male orgasm

Sybian – a saddle shaped large vibrating appliance that someone sits on.

Conclusion about Abbreviations and Terms

This is very far from a complete list.  There are several websites that have different lists, like jamirodman.com that have lists with more information on some more obscure abbreviations and terms.  I avoided some that might trigger some people, like some of them about rape and some about specific nationalities.

This is about communicating clearly and correctly.  Some of these abbreviations and terms are simple and straightforward, like “BJ”.  But others, like MMF and MFM seem simple, but aren’t clear in their communication until you learn the significance of the order of the letters.

As always, if you have any questions about this or any other post, you can reach us through the Contact Us page.

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