Stop being intimidated by her sex toys. There are a lot of men that seem to have issues with their partner getting a sex toy or 2. I know we all care about getting our partner to orgasm. I also should point out that only 25% of women are even capable to having an orgasm through vaginal stimulation only. While I can understand the intimidation and feeling like you aren’t enough. But, this is not about you. It’s about her and getting her to that place where she can’t talk, she can’t move. Where’s she’s cum so hard she’s on another level. And for 75% of women, that will take some external stimulation, that means toys.
Toys are Not the Enemy
Toys are not the enemy. I can empathize with the way you might feel about this. I had insecurities about sex toys, even with my current SO. They stemmed from other issues from a previous relationship. Her desire for a toy has nothing to do with you being inadequate. It’s simple biology that she cannot orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. Attaching negative emotions to things that provide her with pleasure is a losing game. Even if she says she’s OK without the toys, she’s still not getting what she needs from sex. It’s not fair for you to put your emotional shortcomings on her, taking pleasure away from her.
Knowing her anatomy (both in general, and the anatomy of the clitoris) will help you understand why sometimes orgasms just don’t happen vaginally. The clitoris is much larger than you think and sometimes you just can’t hit it with your dick. That’s OK. That is where toys come in. Toys can build and keep the momentum up for her, which you can read about in the linked article.
The real goal is to make her associate you with the pleasure of fucking. That means that you need to learn to use the toys on her. Not every time in every way. But, knowing your partners specific anatomy and what makes her feel good will allow you to add the toys to your repertoire. It’s important to keep in mind that you don’t want negativity to invade your sex life. That means that attaching positive, orgasmic feelings to the act and to the toys, for both of you.
You are More than your Dick
Toys can never replace you, so stop being intimidated by them. It’s not always easy to let these feelings go, I understand that. But, for a happy and healthy sex life, you need to. You have to remember that toys cannot hug, they cannot kiss, they cannot talk dirty or sweetly. Toys cannot dominate her or learn how she likes that one spot on her neck kissed. My point is that there’s a lot more to you than your penis. You shouldn’t think of your partner as only her vagina, don’t think of your body as only your dick.
Using toys to bring her to orgasm is nothing to be intimidated by. It’s simply another tool you need to know how to use with her to get her there. Use them to build momentum, building to her big finale. Don’t get caught up in the mechanism used to get there, get caught up in the fact that YOU did it. I can promise you she’s not thinking “I love that vibrator”. She’s thinking “I love that man, he just made me cum SO hard”. For her, it’s not about the toy. Essentially, think of it like her giving you a blowjob. You don’t think of her as only her mouth. You think of her as her whole self, she’s pleasing you. Not just her mouth.
It’s important that you communicate with her about how you feel and how you intend to get over them. then act on your plan to get over the negative feelings. It sounds counter intuitive, but using the toys to please her is the best route to take. By using the toys, you are actually going to start associating the positive with the toy. Which also means that she’ll start associating the pleasure with you. It will take a few times, and she will need to communicate what feels good and what doesn’t. But, trust me, there will be a shift in the way you think about the toys.
I have a whole post on toys on the blog. I won’t go into the generalizations I have on that post, but there will be other posts about toys in the future. As always, if you need to communicate for a correction, yell at me for generalizing, or have a suggestion about the blog, use the contact us page!
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