Being The Best Listener You Can Be

Being the best listener you can be isn’t just about sex.  We will frame most of this discussion through that lense, but this discussion goes beyond that scope.  Listening to your partner is more than just hearing her words.  It’s about listening critically to the spoken and the unspoken.  It’s about the totality of the statement as well.  Listening for more than the words, but the meaning behind them as well.  Hearing is different than listening.  Hearing is is just the words at face value.  “I am hungry” after a long day has value at its face.  But, it also means “I’ve had a hard day, and I’m ready for peace with you”.  When you listen, you hear the larger meaning, but if you are only hearing, you only know the words.  Listening will improve every facet of your life, including your sex life.

Listening In Your Sex Life

Listening in your sex life is an important area to being the best listener you can be.  Listening for what your partner is saying beyond the face value.  When I think back to my experiences, there were a lot of hints that my SO likes to be submissive to me.  Until we communicated about it very bluntly, I didn’t pick up on the hints.  For example, if your partner responds with “yes” a lot, or uses submissive or dominant phrasing, we need to pick up on that.  I would still strongly suggest having a blunt discussion about what you want and need from your sex life.  But, that’s not always the easiest thing.  Listening beyond the words and learning to decode the non-verbal cues is important for us to learn.

Submissive Language

Submissiveness is when you like to be directed and told what to do.  For example, if you respond to simple direct instructions with a “yes” or a silent move to do what your told, that’s a submissive sign.

Dominant Language

Dominant is to be in charge.  Language that will be used would be giving instructions, saying things with an expectation of action, or using your hands to direct your partner.  These are things that dominant person would do.  There will be a post soon with more about a submissive/dominant relationship.

Blunt Language

At some point, you and your partner are going to need to be blunt with each other about your sex life.  My partner knows that my ability to take a hint is improving, but started at basically zero.  She is very good at being blunt with me and me with her.  Being blunt has helped us find new things about our sex life, for example our dom/sub dynamic.  Our blunt conversations started because of some things I noticed in her behavior, and her learning that I don’t take hints well.

Being the best listener you can be is part of being the best partner you can be.  You want to be the best partner you can be.  This includes your sex life, so listen to improve your sex life!  If you have any suggestions or would like to tell me how I’ve failed, contact us through the Contact Us page!