Are You Being Given Her Consent or Taking it?

Are you being given her consent or taking it? Trust in the BDSM dynamic is so important. I was reading today about a young woman. She shared that her desire for rough play stems from abuse in her past. In her story, she shared that her previous boyfriend had taken her body for his pleasure without her consent. She endured it because that it what she felt is the right thing and she enjoyed it in the heat of the moment. Communication is always key, please talk openly and honestly with your partner.

The key question today is about consent. Are you being given consent or taking it? After describing a BDSM scene with sex, she talks about loving it, but only in the heat of the moment. So, realizing this, she’s coming to terms with here past and her present. Some of the things she discusses are things that would break anyone’s trust. For example, he didn’t listen to her about her own orgasms and continued to use lube she told him she was allergic to. Also, he would require that she tell him he’s the biggest and the best she’s ever been with. All of these things are clearly red flags!

So, how do we get over this? BDSM is fun, I enjoy it with my SO. While we do enjoy rougher sex, it doesn’t mean it’s abuse. She give me her consent, I do not take it. Earning her trust and consent is one of the sexiest things she can give me.

Guilt in pleasure is something no one wants to have to deal with. So, we need to find ways to deal with our past while not feeling guilty about things that make us feel good. With that in mind, talking to your partner is the best place to start.

When I discuss consent, I’m always talking about informed consent. Informed consent is knowing that both partners understand what all the terms and actions mean. Consent is given only after both parties are satisfied that both parties are informed and understand.

If this has happened to your partner, there are things that you can do to help her feel safe and free to feel good. For example, asking her permission before sex even starts to try a few things. Want to choke her, toss her around, us a finger in her ass while you fuck her, ask before sex. Consent is sexy, and so is verbalizing the things you want to do to her. Trust me men, this will be very sexy for her. But more than that, it puts the control in her hands. She’s going to be able to enjoy the sex with you because your desire to get her permission and your desire to to those things to her are hot.

This bring us to aftercare. Getting permission before is sexy, but so is aftercare. Read the linked post for more information if you’d like. But the gist of the post is that you need to help your submissive after sex as they come out of their subspace.

As always, if you have questions, check out our Contact Page and shoot us a message. We’d love to hear from you!