What to do when you aren’t getting what you need in a relationship. That’s a hard problem. But with some work, it’s something that can strengthen the relationship. I’ve read several questions on several websites about men expressing to their partner that they need to do more. The problem is that there’s no instruction beyond “do more”. Psychology Today has an excellent article on this subject if you’d like further reading.
Communicate Your Needs
Getting what you need starts by communicating what your needs are. If your partner isn’t doing something you need, you need to communicate with them. Knowing your needs is the first step in this process. While this does seem logical, it is often skipped. When you are thinking about your needs, seperate your needs from your wants. For example, you may need physical stimulation to get hard. Communicate that to your partner clearly. She needs to touch you to get you hard. Knowing your sexual needs and communicating them is very important.
Wants Versus Needs
Knowing your wants versus your needs is something you need to think about as well. Needs are things that you can’t function without, wants are things you like. Some men need emotional attachment to have sex. Some men want to eat their partners ass. That’s an example of needs versus wants.
When discussing all this with your partner, always discuss needs before wants. Because they are more important, you need to lead with them. Do not talk over your partner when they start to discuss their needs as well. this means you need to be listening and paying attention when she talks. Make notes if you have to. I’ve said it so many times, but sex is important and should be afforded that level of importance.
Discussing wants is where things get really fun. It’s important here to take notes and be specific. Tell your partner what you want to do to her. Tell her what you want her to do to you. But, you need to know exactly what you are asking for, specifically. In other words, if you want a blowjob before sex, tell her. If you have a fetish for her swallowing your cum, tell her. If she tells you that she wants you to eat her pussy once a week, then you do that until she finishes all over your face.
Being Prepared for the consequences
As it always is, there is a chance that your needs or wants will not line up with something your partner won’t do. If that’s the case, you need to decide if that’s OK with you. Sexual tastes and interests change over time. Your partner may change her mind, she may not. You need to be OK with either decision, or be prepared to move on in the relationship. You can read hundreds of testimonials online where partners have changed their sexual appetites years into the relationship.
By communicating your needs and wants, and being open to all your partners needs and wants, your sex life will improve. Don’t be afraid to communicate with your partner. By communicating your needs and wants and listening to her needs and wants, you will be getting what you need.
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